last saturday,

i turned 30. i stayed home and did what i always did on my birthday, i fasted. nothing religious in the act. it was just something i always did. (some of my friends knew i have a cry-day in a week --usually friday-- when i cry my heart out and the act makes me better. down there in my core. my soul?).

something happened a day before my birthday. it's like a heavy lesson for life from my 20's. DONT TAKE CRITICISM PERSONALLY. and when you're dealing with a woman, (especially menopausal) always coat your words with honey, and bear in mind, women are prone on taking everything personally and they're more judgemental.

where can i have Ruiz's The Four Agreements and Dasgupta's Solo?

somehow, i felt old. this, being thirty is depressing. maybe, if we let go of those usual expectations, it'll be easier. i dont know. or, should i rather, strive for that usual expectations and be what? normal? as expected?

i love pickles! or anything fermented. bosou sada, bosou gipan, binagongan, belacan, tuhau, cencaluk, kim chee, fermented soy beans, soy sauce, jeruk mangga, bambangan.. i can go on with the list. and that, i'm listing only fermented products i'm familiar with.

if you live in Kuching, the best place to scout for alien pickles is at COLD STORAGE Green Heights. they have a huge selections of chutneys, pickles and fermented products. i got myself Italian green olive stuffed with anchovy in light vinegar last monday.

and i dont have to search for place to get my favourite soda anymore. they have it there abundantly, albeit slightly pricey. i used to hoard it from Boulevard, as sometime they have it, but, most of the time, they dont (usually they only stock-up on that black can Schweppes). and really, who can blame the pekerja to give me a blank look when asked about Schweppes bitter lemon? (my sister, whose addicted to Coca-Cola also gave me the look - and we were together in our campus day when i first encountered and fall in love with this blue can). how can she not know?

. Schweppes! bitter lemon

if you have read up to this paragraph, you might probably wonder whats my point. i have none. i just miss home so much. its crushing my spirit. so, i have to write something uplifting. and what better to muse but food? and a cool place to get some cool food!

November read

just so i have a post.

my favourite : To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

some weekends are better than others

last weekend was certainly one of my best this year. Popong from Sibu, Jen from KL flew in Wednesday (Hari Raya Qurban) and friday night, Fread and Dawn came from KK. Saturday, we sunburned ourselves in Serikin.

The highlight of the weekend was Noel's Birthday party on saturday's night! too many good things to mention (and i dont have a picture to share). enough to say, from now on, i'm a converted baking enthusiast! O i so love the moist carrot cake (and i never ate anything sweet with cinnamon).Dy, your carrot cake was the only exception.

and the plan for 10 days DownUnder?! guys, i AM in.

kaibigan, kasi up stamina okey? mesti berjalan dengan sangat bersemangat merayau-rayau di Wat itu..

when words failed to describe the outburst of feeling you felt when that boy ran to his grandpa and said "you bought everything for me?". and you knew part of his history. and looking at apu's, nenek's and mommy's faces (the struggles they may have been through). and realized, this is love. this is the feel of being loved.

when friends come over,

say goodbye to your diet, say hulo to late night gossips and cover your ears when swears criss-cross.

and please, try not to be too overzealous on converting them to your religion (ie: books, sewing, crochet) not everybody love the concept of a quite evening WITHOUT a TV. get real, its not zaman batu.

most of all, let them play with your friend's cats and feed them well. (the human and cats)

you can let them sit on your living room floor if you dont own and sofa. its ok to let them sleep on the floor also. and let them use their backpacks as a pillow. provide enough air abok for this purpose. it'll do the trick. (the JUNK proved to provide stiff cocktails- bring them there). you? keep on sipping shiraz.

Hinakah aku kerana tidak memiliki set TV di zaman moden ini ?

Lucky, Lucky

saya sayang dia dia sayang saya

The caption on his shirt really funny, come to think of it. but the wearer's good looking face somehow make the caption seems serious. or does it make it more hillarious? super-indon. muahahaha!

I read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and funnily, the author kept on telling the readers the caption on the heroine's T-Shirt (i lost count- my favourite was: Armageddon was yesterday. today we have a serious problem). its not funny story. its intensely savage.

Somehow, over the weekend, i managed to read (in order) House Rules-Jodi Picoult, the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl who played with Fire - Stieg Larsson, Spot of Bother- Mark Haddon and To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee. and 25 first pages of Moby Dick.(aww.. the last book will take me a month if not more to finish) and i will re-read all those books, starting with To Kill a Mockingbird.

how do i rate them books?

1. To kill a mockingbird - i dont know why i never want to pick this book before. this is one fine book. honest, simple, wholesome. (i see my dad in Atticus, and mighty lucky to have En. Mujat as a father-Pong, you should read this book)

2. Spot of Bother- i think highly of Haddon first book -The Incident of the Dog in the Night Time. this second novel not quite up to the first's level. but its good. very good actually. hillarious, insanely humane, touching. (my family seems ordinary compared to the Hall's family). i cant wait for another Haddon's in the future.

3. Stieg Larsson's books. i'd seen the movie. "Män som hatar kvinnor". and i was blown over. i even like that unknown actor who played Kalle Blomkvist (upss... sorry.. ya, sure all these times we only knew them Hollywood). i usually will love the book version better than the movie. but, in this case, i have to say, i LOVE the movie more!. the setting was perfect, the actress was superb. even the rape scene looks real! and that- super savage. do, go to youtube and find the trailer. so, now i have to have the last of the triology, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. btw, i like the 2nd novel better. more feeling, more resentment. (have you ever wonder, whats all those books lined up on IKEA's displayed racks- now, i have a glimpse of their literature, i'm awfully sorry i cant read those) (pong, you should read this to show GATAN that he is famous in Sweden.. all those places ended with .....gatan)

4. House Rules- normally, i'd cry over Jodi's. not this one. i am still a big fan of hers. and no plan on dropping her from my must read list. but after more than 10 books, you began to see the pattern and its not as exciting nor eye opener anymore. one of the main reason we read is to open our eyes to new possibilities, ideas and perspectives. if the technique became stale, its like eating stale bread. satisfying, but not deliciously satisfying.

book for december's cart. ya, i made a budget list for books to buy. i need to save money for our March Holiday!- 1. Larsson's final triology of The Girl. 2. Solo by Rana Dasgupta.

Lucky is the best word for having a family you trully love. one, that, if you have a choice, you'd picked them anyway. Lucky is the best word for finding in the million heaps of people in the world, few rare good friends. and we treasure them, because we knew, we cant be in a winning streak forever.

p/s kaibigans! its november! peringatan pertama.. muahahahaha!

on higher ground

me on high

i was in Miri last week for my DKP10 convocation. i tried to upload pictures here. but, its tooooo darn slow. so, i used FB instead (i have to admit, the act almost choked me up)

dont ask why i was on high in Miri. dont even think of asking the whom with.

a good company can make you high. you know you're in a good company when you talk with ease, laugh more and when you are not talking, its a comfortable silence.

ya. i'm thinking of you guys. cant wait for our november party!

owh.. i did it again

i fall in love with our pastor's son, a long time ago. he's good looking, artistic and super moody. his name is Azril.

Did i said he's artistic?. o.. he did a bit of music. he was strumming on his dad's guitar one day and i asked him what song was he trying to play (i was tone deaf, to his music taste, i guess). with 'what-a-super-dorky-question-is-that'? expression on his face. he sternly replied 'anak monyet la. itu pun kau tidak tau?'.....'oooo' was all i managed to say. truth to be said, none of the keys made sense. btw, he's 4 years old. now (3 years later), i think, he's good with his guitar already.

sometimes, i wonder if i speak to my kids with Azril's enthusiasm to his music but nonsensical to other's ears. and believe me, i can be more than a little enthusiastic talking about things i like (like chemistry- ya, come roll on your eyes).

many times, i wonder, if in my lectures, the lessons intent transpired to the students or not. Today, for example, after a whole semester of teaching the fourth semester students Health System Research, after hours of drilling them to write the final report in correct format. a pack of stubborn faces come with a compilation of poorly prepared reports. i'm compelled to scream, but that would be so unprofessional. through clenched teeth i showed them which part needs re-surgery. (i mean, re-writing)

you only need to poke me with your finger to make me burst. today.

i still have a soft spot for good looking, artistic and moody students. Azril was in my sunday school class. ya, i'm a sunday school teacher also. the one, who stuffed them with Bible stories and questions hard enough for their moms to answer.

good advice for a teacher (or anyone in the teaching profession): think patient. and try be.

peace

us

My head was spinning and my feet were not touching the earth (ehem.. no, i'm not falling in love. silly). the influenza virus got me bad. but, after being stoned over the weekend. thankfully, i'm ok this morning. and hopefully will be okey for the rest of the week. its my DKP10's convocation, and i'm going to Miri to meet them for the celebration.

aint my choir boys and girls pretty?

back: Ting, Saint, zilla, vero, arline, desmond, max, asri, nuel, kunas, sam

mid: adrian, suzanne, farix, bonne, kukuanga, willver, bern, gray, nemesio, afiz

front: kiko, wong, jess, bong, rodzie, Piah, jacque, tang, tay

Do your best, leave the rest to heaven. thats how we find peace on earth. knowing our limitation and opening up for divine intervention. really, its up to Him to decide.

we hit the ground

miss.. siou sbb kmi x mnang. sia rs sia taw jg mn silap. sia rs la. tp sia taw yg koir kta suda mnang sbnarnya. suma 2 ahli2 kor suda mnang sm dri durng sdri; dr yg x prna ada pngalmn koir, ada yg dgr kod pn xdpt. "kta bet on ksungguhan" blg miss, n sia rs berbaloi kta dcide bg2. sia rs durng jd sgt2 hebt suda. byk yg sia blajar dr ne exp ne kali. tq so much miss lyd! (nti2 la bru miss p nek cruise d mlaka ah~hohoho..).

and like a blushing teenage i cried (for full 5 minutes?). i blamed the influenza virus and me being so sick that i felt sorry for myself. but, really, i need that good cry to ease myself (like i always did) and it felt good.

i badly want to win the choir competition. and i cant see why we didnt! we performed good, slightly off tempo, but overall, good. so, no. i cant accept that we failed. i knew, my kids were devastated. what with all those hours of practice! and expectation.

my reply to that boy : ahaha! Astaga! napa ko ckp mcm org tua2 ni max? sy sgt proud sm kamurang. i dont really cr kita dpt p melaka ka x. as a teacher, great accmplshmt sdh 2 if my kids lrnt smthg other than wat the book can taught! no need 2 say sorry. we did great!

Putting on different perspective helps. but, it doesnt change the fact that we failed. does it really matter? when you knew, that winning is not everything and maybe it requires re-definition?

Kurt Cobain

the tag

A reminder for 'why i love this tee so much' - mostly because it's green, it's freshly laundered and smell super nice, because i miss all those who were there when we purchased the tee, and the word 'mum', makes me think of my mom. and i love the tag. and because, it reminded me of a very good looking sanguine boy (who sang a Creed's song) who, won a karaoke competition and a nerdy boy who did his best sereneding Saleem's jauh kau pergi meninggalkan diriku...(btw, i was the lucky bitch to judge the competition, and i swear, i judged purely on the voice qualities. incidently, that Creed boy sang beautifully and the nerd sang off tempo). All unfairness asides, life itself, is full of unfairness. just so, i'm reminding myself.

its not just a tag of a favourite tee, its a reminder of good things in life. and i am counting my blessings.

childhood memories

i was teaching 'peraturan standard minimum perumahan dan kemudahan pekerja 1990' this morning and out of that usually boring, somber class (Perundangan Kesihatan), we had a quite stimulating discussion of offly off topic of childhood memories.

it was all started when i came to the minimum specification of bukaan pengudaraan and mentioned that my father's house failed to comply with that specification. our living room in my father's house in Ranau is like a cave. it's surrounded by bedrooms, that the only bukaan are the front entrance and the kitchen entrance. i compared that to my grandpa's house (our old house), which had bukaan tetap along the ridge of the ceiling and wall. i remember the old house being cool and airy even on a hottest day. i remember the smell of the old woods of that old house. To this day, the smell of woods trigger my mind to remember that old house.

so, off handedly i asked the students (128 of them) to write down their best childhood memory and smell that remind them of childhood. all, but 3 gave me heart-warming, funny, silly and down -right owh!- you-too? kind of revealation.

the best response i got :
1. Apakah kenangan paling bagus semasa kita masih kanak-kanak: mencuri buah-buahan kampung sebelah, curi ayam dan memaki hamun om pekerja ketua kampung

2. apa bau yang sampai sekarang kita terkenangkan zaman kanak-kanak: bau ubi kayu bakar, kerana selalu membakar ubi kayu semasa kanak-kanak (kadang-kadang curi orang punya ubi)

Selecting memories and keeping only the good will do me more good than keep on holding to all and trying to right something i simply cant undo.

sunny memories

plants on my windowsill

my weekend was sunny. went out with the GF to get her baking supplies. she's giddy with excitment to bake cupcakes. her report this morning of her sunday's attempt at cupcakes is all sunny.

the wildflowers (of plants on my windowsill) remind me of childhood. of times (seems like yesterday.. mmmm..), me gathered the same wildflowers and bunga rumput malaysia, and put those in a vase of pot sardin king cup. i remember being happy and satiated. watching it wilted and rush to gather some more. sunday morning was my favourite, because i got morning off daily chores and put flowers on my favourite pet's grave. (the whole of our backyard is a graveyard). that considering, a shortlived tadpoles got a proper burials. no wonder mom's vegetables flourish with no aid of chemical fertilizer.

i am reading To The Hilt by Dick Francis. if i really can do whatever i want, wherever. will i do what i'm doing now, here?. or should i rather do something else, somewhere? what is it that i really want in life? is this the kind of life i want to live?

maybe a simple life on a mountainside will do. and i'll put that on hold for a few more years to let fate shows me the way around. so God, steer.

the shadow

i caught her lurking in my kitchen yesterday, fixing Zapple with load of ice cubes. its hot yesterday and today.

007

i'm green with envy with them who feasted their eyes out on hot guys during the weekend.

so, i had James Bond for weekend (6 latest movies). in this order, 1. quantum of solace 2. Casino Royale 3. the world is not enough 4. tommorow never dies 5. die another day 6. Golden eye. many changes from one movie to another. the only constant is Lindy Hemming-the costume designer. (what a job to dress hot guys!).

this is my favourite James Bond. dont ask me why. (He's hot lah!)

Daniel Craig

we (me and the new class girls) were discussing our favourite movie the other day. when i mentioned James Bond, they were like.. urgh! (the pontianak movies they love. which i missed in whole. i dont read Meyer. the only vampire book i ever read was Stoker's, and that completed my education in vampireism.). but they do, knew James Bond. They agreed on Pierce Brosnan being the handsomest of the lots. and completely boooed me for my Bond choice. whose yours favourite Bond ?

and no. 007 is not my favourite movie (series). it's Bourne. whats your favourite movie/series?

and no. i dont read either Fleming nor Ludlum.

and no. i am not going to buy TV set.

this is a positive sign of loneliness and dire need to stop by any bookstore. I'm trying to listen to Hansard, with dry eyes. failed miserably. anybody knew where can i get the movie DVD?

monday blues

last week was busy. it's one meeting after another. its almost october, and its always hectic in my college towards october. final semester examination, convocation, final list for final year students placement, and last minutes extra curricular activities (we stop all our extra-curricular activities by end of oct to concentrate on the final exam in nov)

i have trouble sleeping. so, i read and re-read. i'm writing a review of Irving's Twisted River. i'll post it sometime this week. i read twice, Farish's Quran and cricket. read Luke, and felt like i never read it before. i tried hard not to watch movies (as i tend to go marathon).

i woke early today, only to realize, its almost 7 am. heavy rain in Kuching. real melancholic feel. a good day to start my week.

i find this picture, and i cant help but to smile.

if we hold on together

I blogged sometimes ago about Max, our choir director. His bestfriend is Kiko (bukan nama sebenar), and I like this guy tremendously. He is quiet, shy, amazing musician, devout Christian and very good looking guy and he's orang Ranau. Perfect for my sister. (what?!). nah… itulah tanda-tanda orang menjadi semakin tua. Berabisan kasi match orang. Wah! So the aunty-aunty me!. But, he’s taken. No surprise there.

This is the sister I’d like to introduce him. Lyrice (pronounce: Lai – ris (latin))@ Kiris. matila dia maradang sama saya, if she knew what i almost did.

kiris

Me and our youngest sister, Lisa

me and Lisa

Us, girls: Kukuanga, Popong, Lyrice and Lisa. No, please don’t be tempted to click on popong’s link. She rarely updates her blog. Make me wonder, what’s her point of having one?

us, girls

p/s: jen, please check Land before time I and II (good for our superstar pujaan). Our second song for the choir is the soundtrack for Land before Time I “if we hold on together”. MAX! thanks for the amazing song selection and thanks for sharing what moved you to pick the song. (mari kasi kalah tu pondan-pondan <--- astaga! prejudisnya!)

O! happy day!

reason enough for a happy day.

p/s : click here for details

the books

i finished reading TAPAI by Hishamuddin Rais last night and was glad i read him first before Tina Kisil's book. i was fairly dissapointed by Kisil's. but, i'd give it another try today. i might erase this tomorrow (if i change my mind), but, as of now my 3 major dissapointments in Kisil's book are:

1. the typeface and unjustified paragraphs

2. the stories are not chronologically structured, making the whole book looks messy

3. what? she doesnt speak Dusun? are you kidding me? blur that sentence out man... theres no good excuse of inability to speak Dusun for kampung kids back in the 60's. thus, the story seems real fake to me.

the good side? my sister approved of it. the front cover is excellent. though, i'd much prefered a right foot marking on the paddy fields (left one is considered bad luck and rude in Dusun culture...). i'm doing the re-reading. maybe, its my fault, maybe i put high expectation on the book.

As for the TAPAI, 2 thumbs up. (written by a swan among the ducks, who discovered that he can fly- enjoy the flight dude- in the end, you'll realize, you are too, just a bird, like the rest of the ducks). i love the honesty in his writing and the theme- food. except for 3 chapters, he wrotes hardcore food discoveries, which i enjoyed very much! and the liberation of ones mind. that's the essence of his writing. but, trying to be different for the sake of being different is hardly a statement and most of the time a real cliche. (i'll save him an invitation for our satay and red wine eatery). anybody knew how to contact him?

here's my new mug---->

i still have Farish Noor and Irving for weekend and a new mug to accompany me. my hexies progress in my my other blog "my passion" and i paste picture of the front cover of books i read over there.

i'm going to write a review of Kisil's book. so i wont rant about it here. i found the author's blog Tea with Tina. she's a new blogger and if you think her book good, her blog is a must visit.

on phasing zone

whew! been a while eh?

still a bit disoriented. telampau tidur, telampau makan and telampau tiak buat apa-apa during the looooooong holidays.

Malaysia airlines inflight magazine sept issue quite interesting (i'll blog about this later). i need to have TAPAI and Tina Kisil's - footprints in the paddy fields. i mentioned the book to my sis on the day i arrived in KK and she got hers already (she bought it for Rm32.90 at Eaton's).

i tried crocheting and my bro comment: bah satu tahun laitu kau kasi siap tu selimut. it might as well. the hexies still on the stagnant phase, collecting dust. (i am too ambitious on saying finish by 'mid sept'? its mid sept already)

the kids are on their mid sem break, so, i'm phasing myself from holiday mood to office somber environment. to all you guys still in holiday.. enjoy.

beyond Edensor

so, i finished reading Edensor in approximately 4 hours plus the distractions. its a thin volume. and o so lovely. and i plan to make a GFG, inspired by the book. (immediate after i complete the Pink Pant Her project.. sigh!). GFG is Grandmother's Flower Garden. here's my favourite link to a beautiful collection of Flickr pics of Hexies and GFG.

i'll blog about GFG Edensor in my other blog : My Passion. for the appropriateness of header. (actually, i want to get rid of that other blog, but since i have this new-found passion). why not make use of it? and Jakarta-Bandung blog is barely breathing. ya, i know i am a shame.

i have to tell about MAX. our choir leader. (btw, Jen asked "sejak bila ko jadi Simon?") o i wish! i was appointed to oversee the college's choir team (no, i actually volunteered- bah, compare being in a choir to berbalas pantun empat kerat.. hows that?). o God, i never could ask for a better choir leader. patient, fun and commited. now, i think we really have a chance to win the competition. and suddenly, i realize, i might be a Simon after all.... heheh.. (ko mesti tinguk derang pny audition..sy yg tuli note pun sampai sakit perut. nyanyi sendiri pun pandai sumbang). (i'll post picture of him and the team later)

i urgently need a new mug. i broke the old one this morning. can you imagine i named my mug "kapiting"?. no apparent reason. (its a free mug from KKM-sihat sepanjang hayat). i used a cup to drink my tea this morning, and somehow, its not right. i urgently need a new mug. (cups are for sharing. mug is for solitary drink). does it make sense to you? (overdose Edensor baini.. still struggling with the hangover)

p/s selamat berposting. ya, i remember.

tasty and wicked

a friend got a downloaded copy of "sang pemimpi" movie. (our long awaited movie). and i cant blame her for being so over the moon about it. (it really counts who gave something for you kan?). she rarely read books. (she said she pembaca blog tegar) so, she downloaded the book -sang pemimpi and Edensor (which she e-mail to me, just to add to those thousands reasons why i love her) and she read!. we're both under the spell of that wicked Indon man. We love Andrea Hirata!

i reread most of my books (for the lack of new materials). but, there are certain books that you come and read it back and find new meaning, new revelation. and other book, you, willingly come back and re-read and re-read, because the sentences are too beautiful to be read once. and you read word by word (bookworms knew the trick of scan reading-skimming through). but some books, grab your attention and slow down your pace until the words actually have a taste in your tongue (when you try to read it out loud- no, fast reading wont afford this). for me, Andrea's Sang Pemimpi is one of the tasty one. Wroblewski's The Edgar Sawtelle Story, Caputi's Loving Evie and all of Irving's.. their words have taste i cant place. lingering taste like good wine.

so, this girl tempted us with her Double Roti. ayayayay.. tasty. wicked pictures! woi.. orang puase lar!

talking about tasty stuff. i was blown away by Nestle La Creamerie vanilla ice cream with cashew nuts and chocolate sauce. 500 ml? gobbled in less than 30 mins. neat.

and, can i make a rule not to allow students to wear a waffle scent after shave during Ramadhan to class ? they are hot enough minus the after shave and super delicious with the scent. oooo.. goody. wicked!

mare, if he did top up the downloaded movie with satu bungkus mee kolok and laksa sarawak.. nahhhh.. double kissssssesss and hugsss.

Dawn, i love the idea of being in love with the idea of love. it kinda put thing in perspective.

serious planning

patchworking hits me bad. the hexies are getting along. i'd just finished making all those hexies and arrange them neatly to make pattern. it's a single bed size. (i'll lost my fingers to stitch a larger size) approximately 36 X 70 (inches). i'll begin to stitch the hexies together next week. i'm still working on the pattern. darn! (reminding myself to decide on a pattern first before embarking on making hexies, or at least making a simple plan). look like i'm short of a few more hexies for the border. double darn!

my kaibigans are planning for our Indo-China escapade next year. (blame it on AirAsia's RM1 promotion) thanks Tony!. so my plan? find good books about those places. on Pol Pot (communist movement in Cambodia), really should find one. Thanks cik adek, for planning out the trip.

stealing time to finish Cornwell's the Scarpetta factor. i'm planning to drop her from my must read list. shes getting boring and o so predictable. i wish, Benton stayed dead, i miss the old self Marino. (maybe this is the effect of reading a series

i cant wait for 27th. i'm flying home. the plan? just in time to catch the last of rambutans off the tree. hopefully still have la. celebrating National Day with the family and do some serious food tasting. bah.. the muffins with tarap sauce on, ya? i'll exchange with some bosou do gipan.. oooo sweet plan.

kasi tapai sama dia

i was googling for "TAPAI" (i was at POPULAR Bookstore last week and saw that ridiculous cover of Rais's book) to find the book review. my search lead me to this guy's blog and it's by far the coolest malay blog i've read (but then, i rarely bloghop). he blog in grammatically correct English. (duh!) and most importantly, his blog leads me to this group. (so, there's such group in Malaysia). aku hampir terkentut.

i will definitely get that TAPAI. and it is not especially because he refers to food akin to sex. i am so bloated. i need to kentut, or else. (in my utak: org dusun main rabus saja, main hantam-hantam kasi masuk dalam balanga saja- how will that stands in Rais's comparison to the technique?)

this week hot story: Popong successfully baked her first batch of muffins. thus, the spell of kek inda kambang finally, officially over. and i wrongfully, gave her, buttermilk compositions. sorry, aku mengantuk baitu, butterscotch bah pulak. ya. yoghurt, works fine. bah. congrats.

cik adeks: nampaknya penyakit kelupaan kita makin jangkit berjangkit. psssttt.. mau bincang bisnes bagus punya. now, i really need to kentut.

i'm beyond the age of farting jokes being funny (sepatutnyala). i teach chemistry, so, ya, i knew for fact that it's just nitrogen, carbon dioxide, oxygen, methane, and hydrogen sulfide gases from our stomach to anus. but, i do think kentut as funny. funny haha.. not funny peculiar. merah muka si kawan tahan kentut. seriously funny.

the point of missing

there's no point in missing to read somebody's blog, when you are not even an invited reader. a point i should always remember. (i miss the blog all the same). i miss the ideas, the perspectives, because it broaden mine. my loss.

so, jen's laptop went kong too. and she suggested us to re-visit HCMC. all pictures taken there went missing. hard disk problem. i have to laugh a bit here and tease jen. nah.. kan, mana ko punya saranan sendiri buat copy?. my beloved pinky Dell went kong a week earlier.

so, all my notes and slide presentations went missing with the hard disk. been a really busy week for me, preparing (again) those notes. hence the hiatus in my blog post. and i wont post any pictures for a while (not in august). i'll elaborate later.

i'm on my new patchwork project (nearly completed 2). Mimi seems to get infected. she started her log cabin patch. me with my hexagons. about 480 hexies to go! and my patchwork project's fancy title "pink pant her". i'll post picture of completed material. according to my calculation, that'll be sometime in september.

i'll go missing from the virtual world next week. its another field work. which i am actually looking forward for. i miss being in the woods, walk in the rain, play with muds and not to think too much. lately, thinking too much lead me to miss somebody, i shouldnt. O crap! exactly my point!

ice cream missing

i chopped my hair and my head look like a big 'bawang'.

my handphone 'melarikan diri' and i've changed my number. i'll somehow retrieve the old number. (i lost the darling 'icecream' LG Hp). sedih ni.

bought a new pair of NB running shoes. (yay! dengan harapan, akan rajin berjogging. hahahhaha!) lawak eh!

p/s depression mode. after satu minggu menghabiskan duit kerajaan and bermakan sakan with that sister yg menyelamatkan aku dari tiak berhp. (thanks jen!). aku shock dengan kerja yg banyak menimbun.

our orientation week lasted last monday. i had a super fun days with the juniors and seniors. (i guess, i miss my older kids- DKP10 bad)

i have yet, to love my new kids SPKA7.

and.. oh God! busy week ahead.

p/s sedih lagi ni.. Germany tidak dapat masuk Final World Cup. Cilaka.

a while ago,

what a week! the 'high' of being in HCMC still not fade and the bug to go travel and makan-makan hit us bad. until.. the credit card bills sobered me up.

i appreciate the dinner with this person and sorry to this person, aku lupa birthday kau. fail sungguh kawan kau ni. sorry.

i attended a full week (21-25/06) on 'ilmu-ilmu kedukunan'. i wish! (Bimbingan dan kaunseling) bah actually, (seeing ears, listening eyes). not my thing, but, in the end, i found it fascinating and well, i do love Simon Baker in the 'mentalist'. nah kan... macam dukun.

the dress

malam kebudayaan (26/06), i planned to wear the dress (tailored in HCMC~ mikirayou, because its bloody cheap) but, finally changed the plan. i settled for orang Ulu's traditional costume. (Di!, thanks for being my magician, less than 24 hours to get me one of those gorgeous costume! i cant thank you enough)

me

the 'date' with Noel and his 'mistresses?' (hahahhhah!) resulted on me knowing at least 2 of Ben's 10 Alien Forces (Heatblast and Fourarms). (Noel, aunty promise to memorize all 10)(Di, dont you think we need serious education upgrade?- you, google up V3. hahahah!)

and i'm glad i bought this. A story, in a story, in a story, of a story. (Dickens' story, in Watt's, in Matilda's by Jones). i only can think of 'Blood Diamond' (the film) to match the horror and deep, deep fear it potrayed.

the book

"phooing" session

pho bo

i love pho

good guide

kaibigans

definitely will come back to Saigon. good food. friendly people. warm city. cheap cotton. great nightlife.

5 days, and i'm in love.

Be Radical, Love Green

a friend who work at mineral and geoscience department will shun me for this post. (i knew for fact, he loves coal and mineral hunting..so, sorry in advance, mate)

chance upon Farish A. Noor's "what your techer didn't tell you-the annexe lectures vol.1". interesting, provocative and stimulating. i dont entirely agree with some of his opinion, but, its his book. his says. (after all, his articles are havily padded with back up literature-- evidence enough to tell, he knew what he's talking)

honestly, i picked up the book because i need inspiration to write my PTK essay, which is due 17th this month. and i only have today and tomorrow for the 'groundwork'. wednesday, i'll be away for a 'phooooooooooooing' session with my sista!

this morning, i'm still leafing through this book (still nothing for my PTK essay..). googling Farish, (o! so he's a radical), ended up here and here

the 2nd here is the story that will irritate that good friend of mine. the coal plant proposal in Sinakut, LD, Sabah. my initial decision is to go against. (as i am for excessive making of hydroelectric dams in Sarawak).

in the long run, NO COAL MINE in Sabah will benefit the state much more. read the borneo post article about the alternatives. and.. no, i wont give you the link fo Najib's blog in 1malaysia website. go search for it. (he made interesting comment tho)

Sabah kita bah ini. kita punya.

mid year

we're having our 2 days off for Gawai celebration. reread Frank McCourt "Angela's Ashes", found a lot in common with Andrea Hirata's "Sang Pemimpi". both are semi-autobiography, of their early days, poverty, hardship and aspiration to make a better living.

McCourt of Limerick's slum and drunkard, useless father. him, presenting his faith (birth control, the church's control, --you really need to read the book to understand the nauseating helpless i felt for him--) and his way of getting the fare to USA (as a telegram boy at post office and some other odd jobs)

Hirata of small island (pulau belitong) in between west kalimantan and Java island (Indonesia). here he showed his background of 'sekolah pondok', presenting his faith (people resisting the traditional schooling system and opted for structured schooling system--which is for me, a better option--) and his journey to Jakarta, and eventually to Sorbonne (he worked at a post office in Bogor as a postman to pay for his univ tuition fee)

both are inspirational. just, when we thought, we have had enough hardship. mine, are certainly nothing in comparison to those two. relatively speaking, i'll vote McCourt for a nastier childhood. by just reading his book, i cried for hours. i cant imagine how he lived through.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm reading Mark Haddon "the curious incident of the dog in the night-time". ya. another reread. lack of good reading material. i'll be in KL next week. hope i can find some books at a flea market. and hopefully a wonderful holiday with my kaibigans.

my patchwork top cover almost done. i've yet to buy a fabric for the backcover. (not too happy, the colour coordinations not really to my liking. i dont have fabric with solid colour!) (hahhah! 3 negative statements). but, its my first, hand-stitched patchwork. (reason enough to make me happy)

my living room smell wickedly of lavender. i sooooo love! and decided, its a lavender room. theme colours: lilac, pink, brown, white and green.

no picture. my camera not with me.

Gawai and Kaamatan

obstetric trauma, cord prolapse, women's health, etc. i gained more in the short two days of our recent course and probably the best i've attended in quite a while. i love the way they presented it. its so humbling to hear people with so much knowledge and experience, sharing it generously, and never once chided you for asking a silly, downright stupid question.

plus, they served a super hot Tom Yum Kung for lunch. if i were a man, i'd marry one of those jururawat masyarakat. they are super hot! (i mean they're cool ladies who can deliver any baby with just a blink of an eye. i mean, not them delivering. they help mommies to deliver their babies. i mean.. that's just cool). i dont think, i want that for a career.

i started making patchwork! all those hexagons! its a slow and very tedious job. but, somehow it get me occupied and partially happy (i get irritated mostly).

its almost Gawai. i have one wedding invitation in Serian. i wont be home for Kaamatan. and i'll see all my inner circle friends in about 2 weeks for our little walkabout.

architecture. it sounds grand. maybe it is. i'll tell her. we'll talk.

Selamat Gawai. gayu guru gerai nyamai. kotobian tadau tagayo do kaamatan. bah, miramai-ramai tokou no ngawi.

ADVICE

i dont really fancy reading poem for the energy it takes to understand in depth. i like my prose plain and simple. Robert Frost is one. and Sheree Fitch. she never failed to amuse me. i got her first collection "in this house are many women", a 1993 publication. (confession: i bought it for the cover painting, a nude). sure, i got it from flea market. where else?

ADVICE

read everything Gloria Steinem ever wrote

her last book first

ego is like a hat

useful protection

but it should always be taken off

before entering a room

or sitting at a table

with others

you are not only what you do

or who you love

but you must do to discover

who you are

love to discover

why you are

i wont retype the whole lot. i have yet to read anything of Gloria Steinem. i absolutely trust the ego-cap thing. (unrelated matter, i bought a nice cap to match Dawn's stylish cap an jane's penjahat punya cap~ so, i can't wait to see you guys and show it off!). and i have yet to grasp a simple essence of the third stanza. (i got it alright, but seeing like, in a dim light or something.. bukan mentol yang menyala-nyala. hahahahha. ngok!)

ooooo.. last week was hell.

mad-der day

Previous post was stupid. but, i wont delete it. period.

i was supposed to post this for Mother's Day. but, here's anyway, i finally planted my 'magic' beans. only one live though.. so much for a support.

1/2 day

4th day

10th day-today!

(look at the cloud!)

i read Jonathan Kellerman's Monster, sunday (mother's day). my first of his work. quite interesting. (criminal mind, the mentalist approach). he's a psychologist by profession, turned writer. (so, i guess, he knew his stuff well). but, that also makes him sane enough to write a mad story. thus, to my opinion, too structured and too predictable. (and too many jargon..). but, to be able to write a fine story like that. he is very good.

MONSTER

my favourite mad writer is Poe. i read his "The tell tale heart" in Indonesian version "Jantong yang membuka rahasia" when i was about 10, and it haunted me ever since. i managed to read the english version 10 years later. (too much stephen King has since entered my mind, that the suspense and horror somehow, diluted). but, i remember, the clouded mind of the main character. its frightening. and not a genre i usually read.

i remember asking my mom when i was a child if orang gila can go to heaven. i wonder, still.

because my mom didnt answered me. (i want to ask her now. but, she'll speculate me yang gila. better not bugger her.) Happy Mother's day mom.

...and stop being tetchy

you know whats more irritating than to work with an uninspiring leader? to have had work with a very persuasive and very inspiring leader, a person true to his words and then, work with a not so inspiring leader, with no sense of punctuality and no sense of direction.

and sometimes, he's an idiot too.

maybe it's about time, to consider other options.

maybe i just need to shut up. and stop being tetchy.

those asides, i had a good weekend with Kowalski's Eddie's Bastard. i love the man's vivid portrayal of landscape and sheer emotions in each character. he intertwined those sinister and dark theme: eg: vietnam war, incest, drunkenness to form a novel, easy enough to read. easy to inspire and heavily hit my heart.

this morning, over scalding not-so-great hot tea, i remember the reason why i'm here and the promise i made. ...ke mana pun Kau pimpin, ke negeri yang Kau pilih, ini aku, utuslah Tuhan, dan ku kan pergi.

hahaha

had a 'breather' weekend with my 'sisters' in Malacca!

the initial plan: go strolling Jonker Street, lunch at A Famosa Chicken Rice and shoot.

reality: strolled at Jonker street which was fun!(the rings, my tortoise, Portuguese egg tart! yummy!, ais potong and lots of hilarious quotes), lunch at A Famosa Chicken Rice (the cendol A++)-non halal outlet. shoot! i forgot my SD card. (i told you, i'm clumsy! and pelupa)

me now, safely tucked in (astaga! dalam utak: park, perk, pork, fork, fuck!) my comfort zone. and long to be in a concert (may, 1st-UNGU at stadium putra, bukit Jalil, KL). hampeh!

in the mood of: aku-malas-betul-ni. aku-mau-tidur. bah-iyalah.

bikin kacau jiwa

ini dia lelaki Indon yang bikin kacau jiwa. i am positively in love with this guy. matila ni.

a fool's note

i was too lazy to update my blog for many reasons.

so, a quick one.

1. if you have to pick to visit Jakarta or Bandung. i'll recommend Bandung. for two reasons: the brownies and Andrea Hirata (he lives there!). try read his works: Laskar pelangi, Sang pemimpi, endensor, maryamah karpov. (bah, if movies your thing, try: Laskar pelangi). better yet, try to see Bogor-beautiful!

2. of all the kraken(s) appearance in movies, the kraken in Clash of the Titans= cutest. my rating for the movie? 6/10. i love the fighting with the scorpions scene tho.

3. I love international book fair. last march, i made my own record of books purchase: 33 books (i managed to read 6 so far). 10 books from the fair. books are way cheaper in Indonesia. damn the Airasia 15 kgs!

4. i lost my camera cable and i have yet to find my card reader. i am clumsy, i know.

5. green is still my favourite colour.

my new crush

My new crush

I was thinking of posting "waterfall". But, as a continuation of the film GREEN ZONE theme, i decided to post " i remember". Honestly, i'm not overly crazy over this guy's good look, good built, not so great music or even the voice. I am taken over by his words. The honesty in his lyrics. It's killing me!. Try listen to "tell me a lie", "better than love". and try not to like this guy. He's Griffin House.

I'm reading "turning thirty" for clear reason. It scares the hell of me! (not the book, the number)
I know, this too will pass, but how bergaya?

Most importantly (than what?), this weekend, i think i'll have my first date with a real Indonesian man on their soil. ahhh.. ngapain ni deg-degan jantung gwe?. oo. its not the jantung, its my perut. aduh ni.. srabi, soto, soda gembira, sotong bakar, (ahhh.. delman?)

in the zone

Again, out to work. i dont really fancy KL. its hot and stuffy here - especially now! its like 38C at midday. (but KL does have cinemas with the latest movies going on). I'll go for Remember Me and Green Zone this week. Green Zone for Matt Damon, of course. (its Australian Movies month in KL- GSC- at the Pavilion). ahhh.. i wish for more free time.

I downed 3 of Dick Francis books. wild horses, Decider and longshot. all had to do with horse racing, but, really different plots and i like it, because i cant guess what's the ending. so, ya, its quite entertaining --- like drinking a Cabernet sauvignon when you favour shiraz. Pah! as if i knew the difference. (i love acid and high tannins in a wine, thus the Shiraz). so, Francis good, but not quite right for my taste. bah.. sepa bilang anything about acquired taste?

Alice in wonderland? i'll pass that. Tim Burton clearly butchered Lewis Caroll. i'll stay true to the dead man.

i am about to walk away from my comfort zone in about 10 days for our little walkabout. wish us the best.

after watching Green Zone: cinematography = quite bad, except for the scene where the chopper went down after being hit by RPG. recommended only if one have free time with no better movie to watch than V3 and Niyang Rapik. the storyline is predictable (profound if you live in Mars during the OIL WAR- anywhere else on earth, it's bangas oredi). mmmmmphh.. (but, then, i slept watching Star Wars : (The) Phantom Menace) so, maybe, it's just me.

walkabout

Yo! Sushi, Midvalley. (Thai restaurant), Midvalley. Old Town Coffee, Kajang. Basil Leaf, Bangsar. Vietnam Kitchen, One Utama. Wong Solo, Bangi. Manhattan Fish & Co, Alamanda, Putrajaya. Restoran Thien, Bangi. Jombali, Subang parade. We covered all these places in 3 days.Jane, Cam on.

my partial collection (yet to hunt for another 31 ) of Dick Francis arrived today. yay!

Do listen to Rivermaya. My favourite is: 241 (my Favourite song). A good reminder to a stubborn heart. i bought their "You'll be safe here". my students asked, why bother buying when Youtube provides

for free? indeed why?. anyhow, do listen to Rivermaya.

A certain girl in Batu Caves and a man in Bristol urged me to go and play with dirt. Planting greens. And I got myself Envirosax bag. Though I have to say, this will be my first and last purchase. (its polyester, which is man made textile—not so environmental friendly I guess) I’d sew my own jut/ cotton bag for grocery shopping.(as if!)

a good friend safely delivered her baby girl (Syhaweh Shana)last thursday and my favourite PT (cik pah- now, i have to call her MUM), where i work delivered her first baby! (a boy!) also on thursday. (God! now i have the urge to go hunting for good sperm!) any taker?

congratulation Woly and Alfredo and Dondoyo.

berbagas

i was home the whole time during CNY. my runny nose and fever get better (still in a stage of mild flu) though.

so i read. East of Eden bothered my mind. (i didnt read the thick book, i cheated by reading the condensed one). O! that was done, long ago. it was so tiresome and had i stumble on the condensed version first, i wont be bothered to read the whole book (mangkali la.. but, then, mau check juga bah tu kan?). the concept of "Thou mayest". kasi bagas in my heart.

this morning, i google up East of Eden and found out that: ada movie based on the book! James Dean, the leading actor. duh!

and i think i've found reason to dream on (like i need reason. hahaha!). sometime we are blessed enough to chance upon something, someone yang bikin bagas dalam hati. this one really did hit me square on my stomach. (oddly enough, perasaan sakit yang sayup-sayup). i hope it will keep, i'd like to rise daily, knowing the pain.

hopefully, by friday, the first step for my backpacking tour sealed and my pray: it will change the way my mind works, expand my horizon. in short, ada bagas dia dalam -dalam -dalam hati.

in perfect accordance in observing the Lent.

new moon 2

pergh!

i was prescribed these: Paradeine tablet (paracetamol 500mg + codeine phosphate 8 mg), Prochlor (prochlorperazine maleate BP 5 mg), Fesin 200mg capsules and antibiotic. my head is throbbing.

what i really need: deep slumber and a day off. which i will do after posting this.

so, ya. new moon. not so good.

new moon

i reread my recent post and think: damn! apahal pula sy tulis title dia mcm tu? mcm apa saja.

we won the battle. not as a champion, but in spirit, we knew, we are better. the kids (5 bands- performed their best) and from the mouth of one of the jury (that handsome drummer- sepa sudah dia tu? that Bidayuh man yg saaaangat good looking that!). he said: awesome bands. indeed, you guys, great!

so, today, i have a sore throat. (3 hours of constant screaming last saturday). thank God, my monday, no class.

Philip and Jenny tied the knot last saturday. congratulation.

28 days to decide on the plan : Java Jive 2010: 1-10 october. OOOOO God, i'm giddy with expectation. a backpacking tour. i am so not me!

pick me up!

The Murum dam, located about 470km inland from Miri, is the first of 12 new dams that are to be constructed throughout Sarawak The Star online, 29 Jan 2010

in 2008, we did a Sanitation and health promotion project among the Iban folks down the river of Batang Ai, Lubok Antu, Sarawak. specifically, we were in Ng. Delok (nanga (river) Delok), some 2 hours boat ride from the jetty of Batang Ai Hydroelectric dam.

if you can imagine a small island of approx 5 km in diameter, put the longhouse (of 14 doors) (approx 5mX15m per door) at one corner, you're imagining Ng. Delok. it used to be the pinnacle of a hill, but, ever since the 'flood' in 1985, their hill has been reduced to a small island as it is now. these people are those who refused to relocate. (and, i guess, those who chose to relocate, fare no better).

the Batang Ai dam is a water catchment area and a hydroelectric generating dam. ironically, no electricity, no clean, treated water for any of the settlements scattered over the vast artificial lake.

i spent about 3 weeks with those folks down river (in 3 visits). they are the most contented people i'd ever mingled with. they tap their rubber for little money, catch fish, hunt for meat, take the jungle produce (whatever little left for them- they're living in a buffer area of a National Park), tend to their patches of paddy field and make tuak. (O! i survived their merriment procedure with my dignity and mind intact).

but somehow, somehow, i wish, instead of wasting time and energy arguing about the legality of some words to be used for certain group of people. maybe, its time to consider giving people more choices/ options in life. like, maybe giving those folks down river options of having or not to have electricity/ treated water, and maybe the options to keep on writing/ calling the name of God in any way suited to ones liking.

i know, those folks down river wont mind a change or two. electricity will mean all night through karaoke session with an opening prayer to Al lah Ta'ala (God in Iban)

i sincerely hope, Sarawak will listen to the voices of its people and not being bullied by a white hair ape or the trans-sea-monkeys, and certainly not being pressured to win the rat race of so called development. in the end, we're only trying to give people more options in life. its up to them to pick their choice.

(this morning i was presented with a choice to pick a red/yellow rambutan, i took both. we can be too selfish, sometime). and yesterday i picked KWSP instead of pension option (to the dismay and stringful of good advices (against) from our PT). and now, i'm doubtful over my choice.

the latest story of Bakun Dam