Monday, May 28, 2012

when you cant go home for Kaamatan

May mau habis sudah. dan confirm tidak dapat balik Ranau untuk Kaamatan* (not that we're big in celebrating the celebration). but it's good to have a family gathering, simple afternoon picnic (did i tell, my kampung house is very close to a river? -Sg. Moroli) and dinner, and movie marathon, watching  old series of Merlin (which is our parents favourite), betting our coins on lap-lap-pu**, or simply go fishing and kena tanduk by Harry the goat or even, go panjat-panjat pokok, when nothing else seems to amuse us (that, and also to get a better internet reception). ya, i'm kidding on that last part. or not.

I am lonely and missing my hometown. 

Trying hard to finish vol 1. of Sherlock Holmes complete adventures to while away the loneliness.

*Harvest Festival = Thanksgiving
**game of cards

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

i am itching to write about book #16 or #17 in my book list, because those two are really good. but, i dont have the luxury of time to compose a decent post. so, i'll write about those two books when i can. besides, i am having this weird emotion blockage (deep melancholy, i associated with loneliness) and  super busy weeks with piled up works to do against time. i am just tired, thats all. 

something happened earlier this month and it shook my world. gently. its good to come to a point where, i knew, i am not that easily intimidated anymore with the largeness of things (real or imaginative). i only have this life. just this.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Footprints in The Sand

it's good to be reminded of God's everlasting love and care. for those clueless of  "Footprints in the Sand" story, read it here. for the skeptical, yeah, the story sounds cheesy (it's a dream after all). but, hey, even if it's just a placebo, its working and i'm buying. 

Thursday, May 3, 2012

on the matter of preference

My favourite seafood is fish. i was 6 when i saw the sea for the first time. our dad brought us to KK (Tanjung Aru) for jalan-jalan and i remember telling him that, that's a huge river. he told us to sample the seawater and can you imagine how surprised i was when i tasted the salty not so clean seawater?. its an amazing experience, experiencing the sea for the first time. that was years ago, but, i never really got off the sense of how small i was when i faced the ocean.

one of disadvantages living far off from the seaside is the lack of fresh seafood. maybe, i learned to favour fish to the other seafood because growing up, we rarely indulged in the other relatively more expensive seafood (prawn, squid, crab etc.). a very dear friend once commented 'kalau hari-hari makan pucuk ubi, tanpa tahu sayur lain, kita fikir itulah sayur yang paling sedap'. that's village venus effect (the prettiest girl in the world is the prettiest girl in a village for the lack of comparison). our limited experience tends to distort our preference.

fortunately for me, after sampling numerous dishes of other seafood (our dad was relocated to Pitas, and stayed there for more than three years), my favourite is still fish. the best and safest dried anchovies are from Pitas (they dried it off on their bagang with no strayed cats/dogs/chickens/kids around). while living in Pitas, we get acquainted with lots of seafood types. fresh seafood every day and wider choices to choose from (that sound almost like heaven, no?). my mom complained bitterly of the lack of fresh veggies and the salty hot breeze (being used to the abundance of veggies and hill breeze). again, our life-long experience tends to steer our preference.

preference is made out of perspective. perspective is made out of experience and knowledge. we see the world not as it is, but as we are. i was mildly annoyed last week because a long-time friend suddenly unfriend me in FB (i know, this rather sound foolish and childish - in my part for posting this, but i need to get it off my chest). and the reason for the act was because i posted a different view on the topic discussed. i should have known better not to provoked a closed, stagnant mind and her preference. i thought, i was being generous of sharing my perspective over the matter (and i might be on the wrong side of the argument too, naaah.. she's just being silly). 

sometimes, being blind sided over some matter is a bliss. as i knew of late, there are things better left unsaid, even when our intention is true. it'll save many heartaches.  i prefer being blind sided over matters close to my heart, but, i knew to make a relationship works, we need to open up our perspective and see the larger picture of the matter. and work on our preference.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

slow me down

Emmy Rossum. you should see the official video. she's gorgeous!. i use this one, because i need to see the lyric.

April's gone. somehow, that makes me glad. certainly not my favourite month for the past 3 years. it brought more challenges and pain than all the other months, collectively. so, i've decided, if it's up to me, i'd like to leave the world in April. when my heart's leaded with aches and regrets. it'd be easier to leave when you're sorry, no?

May, come with that fresh hope and promise of a new beginning. i need, desperately need a new starting point. re-adjusting my course. and focus to what's matter the most.