The Cross Gardener by Jason F. Wright

because on the back cover of this book, the first line introducing the content is : What would you do if those you loved best in this world were taken away from you? caught my attention. 

this is a sad love story.

a story of loss and encouragement to all of us to celebrate life anew.

pg 179:
'remind me again how long you had?'
'nine years with Emma Jane'
'nine years?'
'yes, what of it?'
'almost three thousand three hundred days'
'i guess'
'God created the world in six. then He gave you three thousand three hundred with His daughter. what a gift'

count your blessing one by one. you'll see how abundantly endowed you are.

its almost to the end of the year. in Ranau, where i'm heading this weekend to be with my family, its also the season of mass wedding, a true celebration of starting anew in life. its also Christmas time, a celebration to remember the joy of peace and the reason for us to live. For He was born to give us life and a chance to start anew.

Merry Christmas.

greener grass

its so frustrating to be in KL on December 6th and fly home on 7th only to be notified that the BIG BAD WOLF sale started on 7th. i've been waiting all year long for this one sale. my heart is suffering a serious damage. if you're one of those people who actually read printed goods, you'll understand the level of my devastation. so, ya, i envy you people living in Klang Valley. 

and if only i lived in Selangor today, i'd be celebrating my birthday the Royal's way. public holiday.

being older and wiser and hopefully braver never change the fact that i am the same idiot who believe (or sometime believe) the grass is greener on the neighbour's lawn. maybe, at 32, i should look closely and appreciate my own 'greener' lawn.

family, friends and loved ones (yes, you). thank you for your love, support and encouragement all  year through. each of you means the world to me.

so what if i missed the book sale?. people, all i want for my birthday is a book from each of you! haha!

November has been good to me. despite the non-stop, back to back traveling (i tweeted that if i had a husband he'd be divorcing me), money dissipating journeys and unpaid traveling claim. November has been truly good.

so, its december and i'll be 32 years old in a few more days. i should be worried. but, because of November, naaaah.. i'll rejoice and learn to eat turtle's eggs. and maybe i should go for vit C injection, liposuction, straightening my hair or curling my hair, shaping my eyebrows, get a tattoo, a puppy or finally go for a proper grooming class.

you know the shortcut for a perkier you? be in love. thats what November gave me. i fall. hard.

happy birthday jen.

sebanyak-banyak batu, batu apa yang suka menolong?

huh?

batulung-tulung.

haha..


p/s: Jane:
banyak batu pigi rumah kau,
indak tekirim tu jarum dan benang
banyak taun kawan sama kau
kau jugalah yang paling manang

mun oghang segawak madah buang batu
maksudnya dah lupa dirik kitak
di hagi mulia birthday kawu hagitu
mek nak madah, sik ada mek buang batu dengan kitak

November: rush

its only the first week of november and many things happened at workplace. my immediate boss will transfer to Putrajaya (rumour has it that he clashed with the bigger boss over something, bigger boss appealed to Putrajaya, Putrajaya settled it). so, after over 12 years of service in Kuching with a little over 4 years for retirement, he's force to face Putrajaya instead of having it dandy down here (where he's a superhero with thick mustache, macam pelakon jagoon kaling). he's Indian, by the way . i wish i have anything nice to say about him or for him. except maybe, Happy Deepavali, sir?. 

and because of that argument over something (the sacked boss vs bigger boss) i suddenly find myself

handling a mess that will make me sweat and ache all over by the end of this month (and most probably for more months to come)

then, there's a malay girl (only over a year and not confirmed yet in service) got her transfer to KSKB Sg. Buloh. since when that option is available? ingatkan after confirm baru boleh apply transfer?

next, a good friend of mine, informed me via SMS on monday that she'll be out of job come January. she have a game plan and i am excited to be with her for the plan. but, i am also very concerned over her well being and financial situation. for her, i am here for you babe. (cheh! jiwang giler..). but, yes, i am dead serious and that's a promise. 

yesterday (thursday) my younger brother went for his first interview. i hope he got it. 

bring it on November.

Only one post for the whole of October? lazy me.

3.5/5

4.6/5

2.8/5

not done yet with book #5 of Ice and Fire series.

When did september end?

My September flew. a week and a half vacationing with the parents and my two younger brother. and 2 weeks for work related course. when October came, i was a bit surprised and i'm asking myself, when did September end?

There's a saying that goes: when we're having fun, time flies. with that, i reckoned, my September was load of fun.

Heart of The Matter by Emily Giffin

i make a separate post for the second book read over Merdeka weekend, so, it'll be easier for me to do the linking at the end of the year to conclude my reading counts.

A very light reading relative to the first book. a story, you'll be able to get, even if you skimmed it through (as i did). another attempt at dissecting the cheating spouse phenomenon. a good attempt because at least it was told by the two inflicted women.

okey, here's the summary: Tessa and Nick are happily married with two great kids (Ruby and Frank). Tessa, decided to quit her academic profession to take care of her demanding children and to have more quality time with her family. Nick, a renowned plastic surgeon supported her decision.  a year into her homemaker role, Tess suspected her husband to have an affair. Nick befriended a single mother, Valerie, whose son Charlie involved in a nasty burn accident. Valerie, an independent and stucked up lawyer was drawn to the warm, sympathetic doctor. and Charlie needed a father figure, someone's missing in his whole life. Tess, by aid from her tennis buddies found out about the affair. Tess confronted her husband of 10 years. Nick was to decide what he wanted in his life. he chose his family.

No twist in the story. it's expected. Maybe, all married couple should read this, to brace themselves with the inevitable. and just because this book talked of man cheating, the reality of any relationship to work is that it takes two to fulfill, even an affair is sort of relationship. if you know he's married, he's untouchable. this remind me of a colleague who found her 'jodoh' with an older, married man and her nasty "nak buat macamana?, dah jodoh saya" comment. She broke family apart and said that? palui!. she refused to be second wife. so the first wife with 4 children was divorced.

just watch Private Practice where Dr. Addie bitterly declined advance of Dr. Noah Barnes in season 2 of the series to understand the longing and chance of an affair thrown away. in life, love and passion are not everything, baby.

Rating: 6/10

merdeka weekend and A Clash of Kings by George R.R.Martin

Over the long weekend for Merdeka day, i managed to read two books. despite the time taken for rumah terbuka and entertaining a penggilan (wedding invitation).

[friday: a barbecue at Pok Sahari's (5-11pm); Saturday: rumah terbuka (raya celebration and house warming party) at Isz's and to Pok Sidik's (1-6pm); sunday: Kumpak's penggilan (8am-1pm)]

The first book was easy, as i've been through 2/3 of the book earlier of the week. i may change my mind after i read more of the series (this is the second book of the planned 7 and i haven't read the first nor watch The Game of Throne series). but, the book is boring. reading the law of ancient Mesopotamian and Sumerian law are way more entertaining (ya, i read to articles about these to find if there's law regarding legality of marriage~wife in the Mid-Bronze Age, Abraham's time. Hagar was not his legal wife.).

Back to the book. i faced a hard time remembering the characters. let alone the terrains and their realm. maps are provided, but, hahhaha.. i have no talent comprehending maps. The Stark's family is quite interesting, especially because they have direwolves and I'm drawn to side with them, (to Arya and Bran). my sister read the series and i might pick it from her. but, for now, i am not overtly crazy over the series.

because of the low key lup-dup i experienced throughout the reading, i rate this book at: 4/10

the handsomest newborn baby ;)

Name: Izz Naufal Mohd. Shaiful

Mom: Mimi Fazah Zainudin

Thank You God for trusting us with this amazing handsome prince. we've been praying for him even before the mom (Mimi) said yes to wed her handsome hubby, Epul. baby, your mom and I had been talking about you, long before you were conceived. and here you are, completing our lives.

Baby, teach us to love one another despite our differences. to cherish each other, while we have the chance. to support and hold each other dear in our heart.

my your namesake: Izz Naufal be true, you to grow a strong man, bringing glory and prestige to your family, your God and to be always generous, the way your mom and dad do. in everything you do, know that, you are loved by many. (including this aunty).

mimi and Epul: How can i ever congratulate you? he is yours. a miracle.

and now, i'm longing for a baby myself. sperm donor please? tsk!tsk!

Spud by John van de Ruit

i bought this book while holidaying with the family in KK last week. i brought a Doris Lessing book (Sirian Experiment) from Kuching, but, really, i have trouble reading extra-terrestrial type of book. if you've read my closing post for last year's best book i'd read, its a Doris Lessing (so i thought, i'd be blown away by Sirian Experiment too). no, i was not with Sirian.

so, after a heavy dinner at Brooklyn with a long time dear friend, Dawn and my sister Popong, we decided to stop by at Times (1Borneo) to look at books. we're not planning to buy any, just browsing over. Dawn with her newfound Linsanity thingy and Popong still have quite a lot to go of R.R Martin. then i saw spud. SPUD!. never heard of the author, and that's a good thing, because, i wont expect anything. he's South African by the way. at least its a penguin, so, it must be quite good.

the book was written in a diary format, nothing new in that. i'd read several books with that format. but, this one stand out for being almost real. written in perspective of a 13 years old boy, white, boys boarding school in South Africa in 1990, the year Nelson Mandela was released from prison. oh! spud is the narrator's nick name, refering to his not so developed yet penis. 30% of the story is sex-related, as one should expect from a hormone raging age. no details past the heavy petting though, so, go get yourself a Grey instead (i heard its quite intriguing).

Spud is interesting because it voices out the longing of a teenage boy, in a sincere and straightforward way, that make it highly humorous. and at the same time, the honesty stabbed right through heart. this book reminds me of forgotten years of carefree, friendships and young hearts. this book is wickedly good. 

rating: 7/10

august: update

its August! so, realistically speaking, my 2012 wishlist will not be a 100% checked. but, i'm working hard on it.

#1. the weight is still far from ideal. but, i have more than 4 months to shave it off
#2. skip.
#3. next month. frenzy with arrangement.
#4. skip.
#5. remind me again not to put this item in my list. ever.
#6. 50 is a more sensible number
#7. skip
#8. skip
#9. skip
#10. will do this sometime in october.
#11. click on the link to know
#12. owh...

Good Bye

Last week ended with a touch of sadness. our good old colleague (who was initially, 5 years ago very reluctant to come to Kuching) finally leave for the west last saturday. he'll be united with his estranged family (after fighting, begging and biting to get transferred). may everything turned the best for him and his family.

in the wake of his leaving, i pondered upon relationships we formed with people around us. how do we carry ourselves in a community. how people perceived us. how people get affected/not with us being with them. (or, the bigger question is: are we merely wallpaper in someone's life? present but ignorable?)

personally, i rarely give heed to what people think of me and usually i speak my mind out. but, i'm beginning to doubt this method. what people think/ say about us give a general view of what we are (who we are is our own concern), and that ought to weigh something. and often, its wiser to just shut up when confronted by imbeciles, even though you're itching to spiff up your sharpest sarcasm. (oooo yeah, easier said than done). most relationships we're having in life are not worth the test of fire (or acidic tongue). they are not essential to our core happiness but are very important to ease daily lives.

thus, i wish for our departed colleague (En. Mohd Roslan Rahmat) who also celebrated his 28th birthday last week. may with maturity, come wisdom and with wisdom, a deeper appreciation for life. as we knew, its fairly easy to gain knowledge, but harder still to instill wisdom. Good bye, may God be with you.

Great way to chill out #363

Great way to chill out #363: smell the fresh sun soaked laundry

Great way to chill out #364-5

Great way to chill out #365: Go Floating
Addendum pic 1 and 2: after a thoughtful comment from my pare (see comment), the boy in the picture was alright at the time the pictures were taken and he consented the picture taking (ya, i asked my driver to ask them)

Great way to chill out #364: Talk To a Talkative Kid

The Brother Gardeners

 

i was born in an agrarian community. farming is in our blood. i cant remember specifically what tree i first planted as a kid. i only remember the weariness of carrying the poly bags with fruit tree seedling to our tumoh (dumoh). we did that arduous job each planting season at different locations (talk about nomadic plantation). but at least, now i can proudly say, me and my siblings did quite a good job by the numbers of durians, rambutans, langsats, tarap etc we have in our orchard nowadays. and since we have an insanely tree lover dad, we also have some curios trees strewn together with the popular fruiting trees. he is responsible for the many varieties of durians in our orchard, an accomplishment, i am very sure gladden his heart.

the house at the back. the bambangan is ours (;)). dec 2010. a year later, the young oil palms seedlings are towering and crowding our yard.

the last time i went home (sometime in march), the house was surrounded by mature seedlings of oil palm. si popong cakap macam forest sudah. saya cakap, bah senanglah ini pigi menumbak, hilo noh natad*. sarcasm rarely works in my family.

when once, i asked my mom to plant flowering plants (pot plants). she merely said miloh toi'd ansakon ri?** . To this day, our home is free from non-essential flowering plants. we have to make do with passion fruit, four angled bean, roselle and some more edible plants around the house. and i understand my mom's practical gardening guidelines. why bother with the poisonous and non edible when you had 9 kids to feed? that's the basic rules of my community towards farming and gardening.

so, i envy the Englishmen in The Brother Gardeners. for having the luxury of gardening to feast their eyes.

i remember, when asked to write about one of the most influential botanist in my plant taxonomy class back in 2004, i chose John Bartram, an uneducated farmer but really knowledgeable of plants in America. he's technically not a botanist, but, he was for me, the driving force of introduction of new species of plants in England and Europe. Andrea Wulf made it very clear that, without the aid and expertise of Bartram, the garden in England might not be as lush as it is now. 

i now yearn to see those glorious English gardens.

*i said, easier to harvest the fruits, its only at our backyard.

** can it be cooked? (is it edible?) 

O! honey

My elder brother Adam has been pestering about rearing honey bees for quite sometimes now and my more financial savvy siblings voted that out. i guess they're right, making money from beekeeping alone will not suffice, especially when done in a small scale. a hobby, yes. entrepreneurship, no. but, think about the novelty of having fresh honey all year long. that's another reason why i should pace up in opening up my retreat center eh? more reason to plant flowers and exotic trees.

Having read Fruitless Fall by Rowan Jacobsen, i urge you to do the same. read this book. its a fascinating read. click on the link and read the introduction.

Last year, i'd read Sue Monk Kidd's The Secret Life of Bees and didn't really grasp the idea of that sacredness of bees.

 

The southern part of our kampung house's wall used to be a home for bees. they lived within the cavities of outer and inner wall. our dad, concerned for our safety tried to chase them away by smoking them out. he got more than a puffy eyes for the act. the bees stayed for a few more years. during their tenure, the fruit trees around the house bore more fruits than the ones at our orchard. the sweet-sour pahu (bacang) were so heavy, our mom didn't mind people came by and plucked the young fruits. our late grandpa used to say that a house housing bees is a blessed house.

Walking out of the house with a swarming bees was a little terrifying at first (our gate was facing southwards) but, after a while, we get used to the bees buzzing at early morning and late afternoon. our mom set rules concerning bees: 1. never to purposely step on/kill them, 2. whenever one accidentally stepped on/kill a bee, apologize, 3. avoid walking to a swarming bees, 4. if unavoidable, keep calm walking through. i don't remember anyone in the family ever encountered trouble with those bees, except for the heroic part my dad was featured earlier. as for other people, stories of them got stung by 'our' bees were quite a number. 'our' bees guarded our house better than our dogs. 

i leave home in 1997 for my study and not aware when the bees leave us. maybe, its sometime during the built up of my dad's 'cave' and the clearing up of our numerous trees around the house. i have fond memories of bees. Pong, remember those fresh honey dad got for us, himself (bertong-tong), remember Asael's allergic to tanak potiukan? and us got stung by tompipiris?

Mr. Jacobsen of Vermont, honey, thank you for your book. i'd read some books but, few i hold very dear to my heart. yours one of those selected few.

oomph!

I finished reading Ken Follett's Code to Zero last night. and found a very interesting word: Oomph. i thought it was a modern word and maybe not exist in 1958. Google it up and here: it was used since 1936!. the recent EURO madness change my sleeping clock and eating habit. sleep early and wake up at around 2 am. that's how i managed to finish the book in a night. and ya (grin*) eat like a pig at 2.30 am..

and the pigging out get worse because, i also have this new obsession of Ayam Goreng Berempah. getting myself acquainted with all those wicked spices. i was brought up in a community with little use of spices in food. our food are mostly bland, fresh and practical. spices are used on special occasion/ festival and most of the time, it'll be Curry, masak kurma or rendang only. As i discovered lately, spices really, really bring out the oomph in any simple dish. and i think i love my clear soup now with a hint of star anise/cinnamon taste. 

however, i'll never reach the level of oomphing my tea with those spices. no matter how enticing that sound.  just thinking of Jasmine tea turn my stomach over. apalagi kalau ada rempah ratus. so, there, i drew my line.

i'm perfecting my version of ayam berempah. so far, this is what i like the best: smaller chunk, marinated more then a day in the fridge, use non-stick pan, little oil just to grease and fry the wet marinade (garlic, shallot and ginger) over slow fire. just when the chicken browning and done, throw in the chilies and gently shake the pan. add 2 tbsp of brittle peanut butter. oomph!

small world

Entrance of The Sultan's Palace

i am reading Stephen Clarke's 1000 years of annoying the French. Hilarious. Bila ni ada buku 100 years of annoying the Indon. it'd be super hilarious, i guess. looking at what's been going on between our countries.

Pasar Burung

i was in Jakarta and Jogjakarta last week, to see the temples (Borobudur and Prambanan). Indonesia is very rich in cultures and specialties. i still hate Jakarta (phobia for a metropolis) but, we had a wonderful stay in Jogja.we visited the new Pasar Burung, Kraton, Water Castle, Parangtritis Beach (which reminded us of Bondi Beach minus the naked people, of course) and the temples.

one of these days, i'll put the details of our short tour in the form of a travelogue and i promise to link it to this post. but, until then...

it'll be a sin to compare Borobudur/Prambanan with temples in Siem Reap. if you've seen the intricate carving at Angkor Wat/Thom and the grandeur of their structure and expect to see the same in here. you're in for a huge disappointment. Borobudur/Prambanan are for commercial tourism use, no active monk or devotees can be seen performing any prayer ritual anywhere in the compound. there's not even a place to stick burnt incense, the place is not functioning as a temple but merely a museum.

Parangtritis Beach, sunset

Second level of Borobudur, west gate, with Dawn

the food as always, were good. but, because i'd developed a taste for Indochina's (Vietnamese + Thai hybrid) cuisines, the food somehow lacked the depth and the surprising factor. so, its a bit flat with one major exception of Bakpia. The sweet kuih like biskut tambun/piang. i highly recommend to try Bakpia, preferably, filled with mung beans and cheese.

 

one thing i came to a conclusion after the short vacation is that, culture is a very dynamic thing. our surrounding shaped the way we are. our faith, upbringing, values instilled and it influenced our way of thinking, our action. the more we open up and experience others cultures, hopefully a better enlightenment, more openness for a greater understanding dawned on us. and if that cant make us a better person, i wondered what was the point of braving out to a foreign land.

and in line with this thinking, i am wondering what was all that fuss about claiming one culture as a sole nation's heritage. culture evolves, its dynamic. what used to be yours exclusively might be not in the future. thats what we call globalisation. ooo ya, not to end with a sour note, but, really, Indonesia should improve on their wi-fi service. maybe then, the idea of this evolving, culture sharing become mass spread.

Welcome To Rosie Hopkins' Sweet Shop of Dreams by Jenny Colgan

i thought i was safely passed the Kinsella period in my reading preference. and i usually cant stomach much of those lovey dovey cute stories (not when you're on the wrong side of early 30's and still very much a single lass). that would just be too much and terrifyingly, horribly accusing. 

when i first saw Jenny's paper back on the shelf of Boulevard's Popular bookstore, i just gave  it a passing glance, especially when i saw sophie kinsella's comment on the front cover (a real downer, since the shopaholic series not exactly suited my taste). but because a very large man was blocking my way on that tiny aisle, i nonchalantly picked the book up and read the back cover. something in the mentioning of Lipton (a village in Derby where the story based) stirred in me to open up the book and read on. (Lipton is my favourite tea brand)

the Roald Dahl quotation sealed it for me and also the recipe on page 441. my all time favourite peanut brittle recipe. right away, i bought the book and i am hopelessly waiting for her next book: Come and Celebrate Christmas at the Cupcake Cafe, coming by the end of this year. i love this Colgan lady!. she incorporated love story with genuine recipes, i'm drooling to try.

synopsis:

Rosemary was raised in London and now settled with her boyfriend of 8 years. her job as an auxiliary nurse on call and life with Gerard, the boyfriend made her tired and plunged on a request from her mom to take care of her great grand aunt, Lilian who was bed ridden at a far away village in Derby. Lilian own a sweetshop. the plan was to settle Lilian at a good nursing home and sell the cottage and shop to cover her expanses, the whole plan should take less than 6 weeks to sort out. 

but, complication arise when Jake, a handsome farm helper, Moray, the village doctor and Stephen a mysterious wounded stranger, one by one appear in Rosie's life. where will fate leads her?

then, come a story of her great grand aunt bittersweet love story, of missing chance and regrets. 

this book reminded me of time, so precious little to sulk on other unimportant things in life and to cherish love more, cherishing people we have around us better and to tell them often that we love them, to be warm and loving, even to the coldest neighbour/ colleagues. and those lucky people who found residing place in the heart of their loved ones, to know and experience love. treasure it. 

and to never underestimate the power of instinct and chance. trust your gut for a good catch (yeah, this cover for a good book selection and other matter too)

Being never been to England, its a bit hard to imagine that quaint village in Derby, the closest image i can think of is that quaint little village of Berrena? (what was the name?) we accidentally encountered on our road trip from Melbourne to Sydney last year.  i am grateful, there's a night off in the Euro match. so, i finally got time to read this off. and i am super happy for Germany next match. sexy Gomez, bring it on!

june's update

It's done. i pasted my blog's address on my Facebook account (ya, come on, roll your eyes.. FB?). oh.. ya, it really helps to locate my stray, all over Sabah, Sarawak kids, especially since they changed their phone numbers repeatedly, i lost track of most of them. at least, once each semester, i am a FB full time user, PMing my kids their results pointer. and i, actually love doing it (more than i'll ever admitted). i think i'm already a facebook junkie, it's the last thing i checked on my hand phone (apart from the i-hope-u-texted-me wistful thinking) before i go to sleep and the first to be seen in the morning after i hit the snooze button. (i know, i know, should change this new habit to a more manageable bites). macam telampau pula beberapa minggu ni.

i am way behind my reading progress. barely 19% of my intended annual target and it's almost half of the year gone. i dont wholly blamed FB addiction to my diminishing amount of time to read. internet is more enticing than TV. can i count online magazine read as a book read?

will go away for a short (much needed) vacation by the end of this week. i need to find a good footwear (my BUM sneaker is in shoddy condition). was thinking of posting this on my FB wall, but, then, it'll make me a double junkies, right? 

have a good week ahead kaibigan!

when you cant go home for Kaamatan

May mau habis sudah. dan confirm tidak dapat balik Ranau untuk Kaamatan* (not that we're big in celebrating the celebration). but it's good to have a family gathering, simple afternoon picnic (did i tell, my kampung house is very close to a river? -Sg. Moroli) and dinner, and movie marathon, watching  old series of Merlin (which is our parents favourite), betting our coins on lap-lap-pu**, or simply go fishing and kena tanduk by Harry the goat or even, go panjat-panjat pokok, when nothing else seems to amuse us (that, and also to get a better internet reception). ya, i'm kidding on that last part. or not.

I am lonely and missing my hometown. 

Trying hard to finish vol 1. of Sherlock Holmes complete adventures to while away the loneliness.

*Harvest Festival = Thanksgiving
**game of cards

i am itching to write about book #16 or #17 in my book list, because those two are really good. but, i dont have the luxury of time to compose a decent post. so, i'll write about those two books when i can. besides, i am having this weird emotion blockage (deep melancholy, i associated with loneliness) and  super busy weeks with piled up works to do against time. i am just tired, thats all. 

something happened earlier this month and it shook my world. gently. its good to come to a point where, i knew, i am not that easily intimidated anymore with the largeness of things (real or imaginative). i only have this life. just this.

Footprints in The Sand

it's good to be reminded of God's everlasting love and care. for those clueless of  "Footprints in the Sand" story, read it here. for the skeptical, yeah, the story sounds cheesy (it's a dream after all). but, hey, even if it's just a placebo, its working and i'm buying. 

on the matter of preference

My favourite seafood is fish. i was 6 when i saw the sea for the first time. our dad brought us to KK (Tanjung Aru) for jalan-jalan and i remember telling him that, that's a huge river. he told us to sample the seawater and can you imagine how surprised i was when i tasted the salty not so clean seawater?. its an amazing experience, experiencing the sea for the first time. that was years ago, but, i never really got off the sense of how small i was when i faced the ocean.

one of disadvantages living far off from the seaside is the lack of fresh seafood. maybe, i learned to favour fish to the other seafood because growing up, we rarely indulged in the other relatively more expensive seafood (prawn, squid, crab etc.). a very dear friend once commented 'kalau hari-hari makan pucuk ubi, tanpa tahu sayur lain, kita fikir itulah sayur yang paling sedap'. that's village venus effect (the prettiest girl in the world is the prettiest girl in a village for the lack of comparison). our limited experience tends to distort our preference.

fortunately for me, after sampling numerous dishes of other seafood (our dad was relocated to Pitas, and stayed there for more than three years), my favourite is still fish. the best and safest dried anchovies are from Pitas (they dried it off on their bagang with no strayed cats/dogs/chickens/kids around). while living in Pitas, we get acquainted with lots of seafood types. fresh seafood every day and wider choices to choose from (that sound almost like heaven, no?). my mom complained bitterly of the lack of fresh veggies and the salty hot breeze (being used to the abundance of veggies and hill breeze). again, our life-long experience tends to steer our preference.

preference is made out of perspective. perspective is made out of experience and knowledge. we see the world not as it is, but as we are. i was mildly annoyed last week because a long-time friend suddenly unfriend me in FB (i know, this rather sound foolish and childish - in my part for posting this, but i need to get it off my chest). and the reason for the act was because i posted a different view on the topic discussed. i should have known better not to provoked a closed, stagnant mind and her preference. i thought, i was being generous of sharing my perspective over the matter (and i might be on the wrong side of the argument too, naaah.. she's just being silly). 

sometimes, being blind sided over some matter is a bliss. as i knew of late, there are things better left unsaid, even when our intention is true. it'll save many heartaches.  i prefer being blind sided over matters close to my heart, but, i knew to make a relationship works, we need to open up our perspective and see the larger picture of the matter. and work on our preference.

slow me down

Emmy Rossum. you should see the official video. she's gorgeous!. i use this one, because i need to see the lyric.

April's gone. somehow, that makes me glad. certainly not my favourite month for the past 3 years. it brought more challenges and pain than all the other months, collectively. so, i've decided, if it's up to me, i'd like to leave the world in April. when my heart's leaded with aches and regrets. it'd be easier to leave when you're sorry, no?

May, come with that fresh hope and promise of a new beginning. i need, desperately need a new starting point. re-adjusting my course. and focus to what's matter the most.

 

for 4-8 years old (in us)

ooooo... i'm so tempted to buy and mail this book to my sister who work at a construction site and let the book tell her on the importance of a good night sleep. but, i'll hurt her pride by doing that. this is for 4-8 years old.

i'm attending a colleague's daughter's birthday party tomorrow and i'm getting her a book for a present. that's my earnest effort on converting her attention to book. i know, i'm doing good deeds. in hope, she'll grow up loving books better than watching ASTRO. (Can we just fire parents who allow their kids watching TV for hours on?). hahahha... iyala.. i'm no mum, senanglah cakap.

let's see if i can find any good book for one pegawai, demoted to a filing clerk position. ya, i'm trying to cheer you up. (lame joke, i know).

you'll never walk alone

I dont know if ZAR is still operating in UKM, Bangi or not. during my uni days, they operated at the UG of PUSANIKA building. i frequented their cafe (like, 6 times per week). they open officially at 8.00 am, but, they didnt close their door when i came usually at 7.30 am (obviously their first customer each day). a few minutes later, an Indonesia guy with a battered sling bag would emerged and sat on the next table. except for hi at the door, i didn't rarely exchanged pleasantry with the owner. and they didn't bugged me either. early morning were especially busy at their little bakery. after 8.30, customers started to flood in and i usually leave before 8.30 for Tun Sri Lanang library.

Nothing fabulously fantastic in their menu offering. theirs was a simple bakery with limited baked goods. the owners were elderly Malay couple who speak English with brits accent. but, the runner of that shop was their plump (very good looking) son. i enjoyed my uninterrupted morning tea (they got quite a selection of Earl Grey teas). those were the times i spent looking at plants nomenclature (i did a bit on plant taxonomy for my MSc Theses) and the times i think, i was so much at ease.

maybe it's the rarity of time spent just to be on my own that i treasured those early mornings so much. coming from a large family (of 9 siblings), its really hard to find a place or time to be alone. maybe that's why i love reading so much, it allows my mind to drift and escape. don't get me wrong, i love socializing too. i enjoy hanging out with friends or just talking nonsense with my brothers and sisters, i enjoy companionship. but my heart quietened when i am alone, collecting my thoughts, reading my favourite book, browsing through old photos, doing my cross-stitch, writing on my spiral bound note book, daydreaming.

The last time i went to ZAR was in 2008. the lady owner looked shocked seeing me and asked "i thought you already finished your course? why are you still here?". after all those years, she did remember me. "i did. i work in Kuching now. i come to visit a friend working here. i thought, you'll not recognize me". "of course i remember you. i baked apple pie, because you always asked for it". oooo my.. yes, i love apple pie, still do. only then i realized, even in my search for solitude, there's someone helping with the details to ease the way. and that's comforting to know.

The Happiness Project

ermmm... no, i dont usually read a self-help book like this. and i certainly wont buy any book teaching people how to be more happier. i always believe i am a naturally positive, optimist person. happiness is not something i lack or something i eagerly pursue. this might sound boastful to some, but, that's the truth. there were days when i grumbled and felt really down, but, i never really reached sadness to the point of suicide.

this book belongs to my sister, Popong, who abandoned it after reading a few pages. i felt the familiar nauseating loath for gloat after reading a chapter. (the chapters were divided by month to her objectives to achieve in the pursuit of happiness). however, she had me with her sharp writing style. i like the way she put out her argument and explanations. she is totally right with most of her arguments, she was, after all trained to make convincing arguments. except, she lacked the experience of  significant unhappiness to talk about happiness. 

its like talking on how to become a millionaire when one's born a millionaire. interesting, but not inspiring. (she's happily married to a man devoted to her and their two daughters, live in NY city, doing what she love the best, still living parents and supportive in-laws, no significant financial problem. the husband have Hep C. her sister have diabetes). ha! ko try tanam kacang dulula..

its only April and i already have 2 books in my 'pointless' category. i should stop reading crappy book. i know.

can you hear my heart

i am watching this Korean drama and taking my time with it. heart wrenching, stuffy. and now i've found my favourite Korean actor. that, the non-smiling guy in the picture. he is 남궁민. i've always thought, Korean actors to be pretty and romantic, but not sexy (like in sensual, seriously physically attractive). this guy, challenge that thought. he is better than Ryan Gosling!

so far, i'm in 12th episode. 18 more to go. ya, if i'd checked earlier its 30 episodes drama, i might not started watching it at all. but, up to 12th episode, no disappointment yet. the storyline moves rapidly giving no chances of boredom. the plot is not so predictable, so it catches attention. wonderful script (or should i say, great sub-titles?), interesting and funny. and ahhh.. yes, the Korean trademark; heart wrenching.

i am not so convinced of the grown up Woo Ri's poverty (the little Woo Ri is more convincing). i cant feel her suffering. as for all the others, bad/good characters, they're very convincing. i especially like the grandmother's character. flawless. 

18-20 more hours to go. I'm pressing myself hard to limit my viewing hours to only 2 hours per day (that's 2 episodes). my life will really go berserk if i'd listen to my heart and watch the drama, marathon way. I've learned not to trust my heart when a sexy guy mingled in the equation. ahhhh... damn!

until you come along

i am too lazy to compose a lengthy post about book today. so, i'll just embed my favourite Youtube video from the recent weekend. i discovered her, browsing Griffin House. JJ Heller.

until you come along. please excuse the video, for the softporn, emo displays. enjoy the lyrics. and here's another one, Love me. ooooh.. while you're there, check out all her songs. she's a darling.

ya. you're supposed to look at the rainbow in the picture.

hujan panas, ku pandang awan mega
warna lapis tujuh bercahaya
orang tua kata ular naga
mencedok air dalam telaga
kalau tunjuk, tangan jadi kudung
rupa-rupanya itu cerita bohong

Do you know this song? i learnt this in school, sometime back in the late 80's. harsh truth eh? i grew up believing rainbow to have magical power. not the kudung thing, of course. my mom used to tell us not to go out in hujan panas, because the hot and cold tombiruo* are fighting and will affect our health. she also told us not to shout at rainbow, as it will awaken the tombiruo in charge of the colours and might offended the spirit. when i was 11, we learned in science class that rainbow is an optical result of light reflection through droplets of water causing spectrum of light to appear.

Rainbow is one of the sign of God's enduring love and the promise of hope (to those who read the Bible, its in Genesis). my heart skipped a beat every time i saw a rainbow. i never purposely go out and play in the rain hujan panas, but, i certainly almost always took a few minutes to stare outside the window, looking for rainbow. never mind the tombiruo thing.

because i'm beginning to feel healthy and because it's been two days in a row we had late afternoon rain in Batu 7, giving promise of rainbow sighting.

*tombiruo = spirit of the dead/ spirit

white noise

you know, the sound of silence? (that's not a question. that's a statement). i am experiencing a symptom of Tinnitus. my right ear has been in limbo since friday last week and i have difficulty in hearing from the right direction. its really, really annoying.

its quite hard to concentrate articulating something when you're hearing yourself talking loudly in your own ear chamber. yesterday, my officemate told me he cant hear anything i say, i spoke too softly. me?! talking softly? Then, the students complained i mumbled in my lecture. Really?!. so, this morning, i spoke loudly (it's really loud for me) over the mic and delivered the lecture with numerous pauses (to cough and collect my thought--i lost them in the booming sound in my head!). the students didnt complaint.

i am going to see an ENT doctor tomorrow. i've tried the breathing technique, water stabilizer, vitamin B (for the niacin). still, my telinga berdengung. it doesnt hurt, but, its annoyingly uncomfortable. especially when i tried to sleep. i can hear my blood pulsating and the white noise sounds like waterfall!

so, this is how its like, being sick and half-deaf.

The Wonder Spot

if you can spare some time to read just one ridiculous book this year. let it be this.

Ridiculous as in, not normally progressing. like, adding years to one's age without really adding any significance to it. like, running in a circle, tiring and energy consuming without really getting anywhere. that's the feel i get reading this book. Sophie Applebaum changed little from her 12 years old to her sixty. and i'm at loss to comment if that's a good thing or no. all i can think is, that's immensely ridiculous.

people says, dont ever change. in romantic movie/ stories we often heard the phrase "i love you, just the way you are". but, change is inevitable. change is a must. i am not what i used to be when i was 20 (when Alanis Morissette's album is my most precious possession and Grisham's the best author). we change, not necessarily for the better. it's just a process of evolution (so now you know i'm pro Darwinian). so, really, i refuse to accept a fiction of unchanging tendency, personality and pointless way of perceiving life. Maybe Melissa Bank should just formatted this book into short stories collection. that way, at least the reader can make their own conclusion/ story extension.

Sophie Applebaum is one of the most disgusting character i've read so far. for that, Ms. Bank, you stand out. and out of my list..

under the weather

sanggar cheese

i was down with a bad flu over the weekend and worsen after monday. So, i was absent from work, Tuesday. it's been quite a long time since i fell under the weather. still coughing like mad, but at least, no more fever and lingering dizziness.

tried to curb boredom by watching some Korean drama (tried My Princess, Scent of a woman--OOO boring!). finally settled with Personal Taste (at least, that pretty guy knew how to kiss properly) and the story evolved around architecture, aku pencinta struktur bangunan. so. i am on Joseph Heller's Catch-22. that, i tell you, a pure satirical book. i re-read chapter: Major Major Major Major 3 times. and think of our politicians, what if they didn't have that famous last name?

whoa! on the earthquake near Acheh yesterday.

p/s sorry, today's post seems to be at random. my processor need fine tuning. the picture is one example of good food we have to forget when we caught cough. i know, life sucks. sadis.

Thin Blue Smoke

How can anyone resist the temptation of reading a novel about music, food and love?

the book opens with a prologue of a barbecue joint called "smoke meat", which was famous among the reporters of Kansas City Star. followed by bantering between the owner of that joint and his reporter customer of adding D to the 'smoke' (the way it should). i was curious all the way to the end reading this book. i was curious of how the owner's son (who painted "smoke meat") died, of whose initials were those LW and FG of how they're related.

i fell for the book when the author dedicated the book to Rebecca, and in his acknowledgement save the last line "Then there's Rebecca, whose heart is the room where i go to write". sweet.

over the holy weekend, i read the book and cried a lot. i was down with a bad flu and i welcomed the free flow of tears (easier to blow my nose!). this is one of those rare book i really wanted to be in. i wanted to know how each of them look like, i wanted to be in that barbecue joint with hickory and meat smell, i wanted to join the Mother's party, i wanted to be in those churches, i wanted to see Warren, the guy who speak rabbit language!

more than anything, i am thankful i chose to read this book over the weekend (its the thickest in my 'not read yet' books section) and i took time reading it because i have to stop for my cough syrup every 4 hours, 2 glasses of water each hour which resulted on going to the loo repeatedly and checking on youtube for songs featured in the book (blues is certainly an acquired taste of music--i got so irritated and sleepy over most of the songs). i am thankful for chapter 37 Up in Michigan in where Rev Glen said "i dont think we can necessarily make the connection between answered prayers and blessings. i think the only connection is that we are blessed when we pray-the act of praying is itself a blessing. but i dont think it's safe to conclude that when we get what we pray for we can call it a blessing". i never thought of it that way.

o.. this book talked in length of the possible best barbecue in the States. Kansas? Memphis? Texas?. i have no idea. the best pork barbecue in Sabah is somewhere in Tambunan, i dont eat pork, so, that's not telling much.

p/s pembetulan: my sis informed it's Keningau, not Tambunan. she eats pork. she's right.

stay on path

ya. stay on path. stay on the right path. i've been wondering lately (more than ever) if my chosen path is the right one to continue trekking on. i've been doubting myself and regretfully that led to doubting the guidance of the all knowing, all loving father. was it not me who prayed about 5 years ago "kemana pun Kau pimpin, ke negeri yang Kau pilih, ini aku, utuslah Tuhan?".

where's all that youthful exuberance i experienced once? the zealous and focus on doing not just anything but everything for Him? to the glory of my Maker? (itu, masuk dia punya tools juga la, mcm the biological parents kan? mau juga drg happy..). and if you're thinking this is some spiritual awakening rumblings. no. this is not. while i'm sapping here, you better check this link, it's a youtube of Colton Dixon (AI) cover of Lifehouse's Everything, a girl reminded me to check this vid. i appreciate the early morning song sms and for this reminder.

i'll nurse my doubts until my head gradually clear. one thing i learned is not to make any decision when in doubt. so i'll just stay put, wherever i am at the moment. until i see clearly the green sign on which direction to move. but, i need out ASAP.

for all my Christian friends, this weekend, more than our gladness to celebrate Christmas, let us be doubly reminded of the reason He went up the tree and celebrate in the triumph of victory and hope He send us. have a good weekend, everyone.

Gaya Hidup Sihat

one of the best thing living in Kuching is the abundance of fresh produces at the wet market. while in Batu 7 we have our own large daily wet market, boasting to have the freshest seafood in Kuching area and used to be the center to buy any pork related items (and that include pekasam!), a special weekend gateway is still Pasar Satok. and i heart the market with all my being.

to those planning to visit Kuching, please include a saturday and sunday in the itinerary. Pasar Satok open by late afternoon, friday and go on until sunday noon.

on my last visit (2 weeks back), i found this!

these herb grew in abundant in an any clearing off the edge of our tagad (huma/ hill paddy patch) when i was a kid. the flowers akin to flower of passionfruit (smaller in size). the leaves are smelly (really pungent) and we ate the mature fruits (whenever we managed to beat the birds to it). i never knew the young leaves to be edible. but, in Sarawak, they cook it with belacan (maybe the way we cook kangkung belacan). i was tempted to try (its RM1 per large bunch), but, didnt as i dont really have time to indulge in that experiment that week (need to read lots for an interview, plus no energy co creativity, too nervous for the interview). i am all into eating wild herbs (think of the non-pesticide advantage).

i am fueled up to do some curious herbs searching sometime soon (not this weekend, sadly). KKM, with all the sensitivity aside decided to launch gaya hidup sihat campaign on the holiest weekend in Christians calendar with gazetted holiday in Sarawak. gaya hidup sihat! my foot!

p/s anyone know the name of this herb? share it.

1/4 of the year--gone

so, i should be posting of my year's first quarter progress.

1. to lose weight and maintain it at my ideal of 50-52 kg.
i am 65. that's a 4 kg hike since january. failed.

2. drive a car (i've put this on hold for years..)
No progress

3. go holiday with my parents (Mulu and Indo)
Mulu-done!

4. register for a postgrad prog
went for an interview that hopefully will help cover this item. Verdict: hopeless

5. monthly hiking trip
April and no single trip yet...

6. read 100 books
covered 10%

7. buy a house
in the process of getting a one single bed apartment. and i dont consider that as a house.

8. start on my lifetime dream
i've been talking about it with family and close friends. so far, its still in the 'dream' stage. next step is to open an account and make proper plan on how to execute.

9. learn to make my own garment
No progress

10. buy myself a cosy sofa and bed
No progress

11. take picture(s), daily
more like, every other day.

12. write letter/ card to close friends and family (i used to do this)
i am sending card for my Christian friends for Easter.

how do i fare? slow kan?

Things I Want My Daughters to Know

by Elizabeth Noble

i was in KK last week and got this book. not exactly the type i'll bought on my own. but, the opening page of this book is a letter from a dying mum to her daughters, detailing arrangement for her funeral. that's what made me picked this book and read on. me and my close girlfriends have this crazy stupid obsession of our funeral arrangement (not that any of us in a situation of terminal illness.. palis..palis)

see Diana's here. bear in mind, that's link to her part#6, scroll down her blog entry for earlier parts. (Dy, i would highly recommend this book to you, and i bet, you'll like it!)

overall, this book is a goody-goody read. expected issues, expected outcomes, expected end. no surprise, its a bit flat for me. just perfect for a vacation read/ reading between flights

synopsis:
Barbara's dying of (what else?) cancer and had her days numbered. she wrote a journal and letters to her daughters and husband. 3 daughters from her first marriage, Lisa, Jennifer and Amanda and her youngest, Hannah, from her second husband, Mark.

each of the daughters had different issues they struggled in. Lisa with her noncommittal relationship (even though she's been living with her good looking, sensible boyfriend for years). Jennifer whose strong headed and in an unhappy marriage. Amanda, the nomad and Hannah, barely in her teen.

issues solved. Lisa marry her boyfriend Andy, Jennifer happy again with her husband, Stephen, Amanda found her root, Ed, Hannah made her first big mistake with Nathan and was sorry.

i am a true believer in loyalty. once you commit yourself to something/someone, being loyal is no more an option, its the root in any relationship. being loyal means, to stay true, respect and trust that something/ someone to the end. if ones cant handle loyalty, never commit in anything/ anyone. that will save all the troubles.

passione

Its mid march and i'm still halfway through "Outcasts United". a lot of distractions to my reading. especially with the relatively fast internet connection via mobile, i found myself reading more articles (trash articles actually) on my handphone and watching too much youtube too. been busy traveling here and there attending courses making it harder to concentrate on reading, even a leisure one. ooo. yaa.. been busy doing this too.

oooo.. and i love this new product of Gardenia. i tried the HERBAL MEDITERRANEAN
MIXED GRAIN and its awesome. too bad we dont have it here in Kuching. (Kuchingites, let me know if i can get it anywhere in Kuching, thanks..)

Pic from Google image.

To The Girl i Love

Gessen (All The Sad Young Literary Men) makes me grin. oooo.. p(eeeeee)lease. its actually a heartbreaking story of 3 ambitious men (as pointed in the book title). if i'm grinning, its because i have this newly developed morbid sense of humour. how else we fight the cruelty of fate? but, to laugh at it's most heartbreaking attempt to break our hearts?

heartbreaks? (most likely, it felt something like a hollow/ black hole in your core, something went missing and irreplaceable no matter how we try to replace/recover). the pain is usually constant and never go away no matter how we try to forget. people say, time heals (ooo yeah, in a million years, sure). but truth to be said, no, over time, we get used to the pain, time doesn't heal nor diminish it. for a person with morbid sense of humour, we pad the thumping of pain by laughing at it.

i guess, Neil McCormick did it best in Killing Bono. OMG! if i were him, i'd kill Bono too. ten times over!

and because i'm a huge fan of Australia's McLeod's daughters series, i'd recommend to listen to Lavelle's The Man i Loved and Time Turn over. that's it, to amplify the pain. (not really recommended for those with high tendency to suicide).

this is a very public personal note to someone i knew in pain and most probably will try something really stupid. you know i'll never lend my shoulder to cry on/ join in crying over the matter (in a jointly crying session, pergh!). you're unlucky to have someone like me, both of us knew that from the set. but, i do pain for you, and its a constant pain. never to go away. i just hope, years from now, we'll look at this moment and remember it the McCormick way. or absurdly the Gessen way.

priority resetting

I've no time to read book these past few weeks. Been reading articles and some serious books for one of my biggest interview (last week), which i flunked spectacularly. anyway, in retrospective, i enjoyed the experience. it was enriching.

but, back then, when i came back from the interview, my heart was so bitter. i wanted the post so bad and i've tried very hard for that proposal. i've asked God what to write and i believe He put that issue in my heart. so, i am pretty sure, i am heading in the right direction. why should i feel devastated and bitter?

if the calling is from Him, He'll show the way in His own pace. but, i have to play my part, i have to put double effort in writing a better and more convincing proposal. and to do so, i need to read more enriching articles, more serious books for better understanding of the whole concept. jokingly, i told my colleagues that we have a year to prepare for the next round of interview. while reading New Economic Model (NEM), i stumbled upon a confusing data and i googled it up to check, and the googling led me to an article in Forbes Magazine of Jeremy Lin.

Jeremy Lin led me to Jaeson Ma, and the whole lot of Christian movement in Asia. it's good to know that you're not praying alone and it's not a futile effort. sometimes, its a very hard decision when you woke at 3 or 4 am and have this insistent tugging in your heart to pray for something/someone and your warm bed, physically calling you to just continue slumbering. (i usually just curled up in my comforter muttering anything i had in mind and drifted off, sleeping).

when i read of how Jeremy Lin spend an hour each day for devotion, despite his super busy schedule, i was more than inspired. i just need to cut some time off my other activities. and surely, i am not that busy to afford an hour of quiet time each day. i need to reset my priority.