Happy New Year 2013

i grew up in Christian family with a very open mind (or he tried hard to be) father. when i was a confused and mad at everything (everyone) 15 years old and told him that i'm going to find my own faith (after a constant nagging from my mom asking why i was not baptised yet--the norm at church where i belong is the kids usually get baptised as soon as they're out of sunday school age [>12 yrs old]. the reason is simple--they're old enough to understand the solemnity and significance of baptism), my dad stayed silent for quite some time (like he's measuring up his words and maybe trying to find the right reply to my statement).

His answer: John 14:6. ogumu moti auh ku oilaan diti ogou, nga idi noh nigitan ku om kotumbayaan ku sondiri seawi-awi ginawo*

i became a vegetarian a year after that and promised to myself not to eat warm-blood meat until i get married or i turned 30 (whichever come earlier). i was baptised that year too, my mom cried begging me to be confirmed in the church (i was avoiding pork, and not lived with the family, so naturally she thought i was leaning to a certain religion). that was the year my grandfather passed away. 1996. summer olympic in Atlanta, the year i fell in love with Gloria Estafan.

it took me a few more years to find conviction in my faith. i regard the matter of faith as important for me (i was that serious when i was younger, i tried to be more spontaneous and carefree as i get older). i need something secure to hold onto, to pin everything in my life to one point, so i will not lose my way. i guess, i was trying to find my true north, or the centre of my life, my nucleus. 2001. i felt him, touching my heart (or whatever inside of me) and its so serene, peaceful. like you know everything will be okey, even when storms were raging around. you only need to experience it once to last you a lifetime (or so, i thought)

But then, we can take for granted what we freely have. i got the conviction, i lived my life set by the moral standard of my faith (it sounds boring, it is not. it gives me bearing and sense of purpose). but, try to be 32 and unmarried, i began to doubt God's plan for me. i was eager to start on something new, embark on a new journey. i felt lonely, i felt i was forsaken. Then, something really good happened almost to the end of last year, a few days before i turned 32. i was happy, but doubtful. God settled it for me in a miraculous way. 2013. the year God shows me, he is a personal God. i will not doubt his plan for my life. he got me. and that's enough.

Happy New Year 2013.

*there's a lot i dont know, Ogou**. but, this is what i believe with all my heart.

**[usually] pet name for the first girl in a Dusun's family, meaning: baby girl.