Labour day

it's labour day and i'm labouring.

blame it on swine flu. blame it on being a warden. blame it on our coming exam week.

(personally i blame myself for missing  a person i shouldnt. thus, the burden)

God, i love him

I

what should we do?

he's seventeen 

and he's done schooling

we wanted him to study some more

but he mutely refuse

we insisted

and he cried

II

what should i do? 

should i believe in a seventeen years old boy's decision

should i decide for him

i want him to see the world

he is in his own world

he told me in his ever precious words

he just want to be a farmer

those few words killed me.

III

i love him

that's why its harder to just let it go

what should i do?

can't get it out of my mind

webber posted this song in his blog. i was hooked and can't get it out of my head. too melancholic and intense. and i'm loving it. (that.. and i'm also a sucker for anything celtic..)

bah.. thanks arr, webber

put together

i saw a house by the water in a bog area of Limbang and wish, (to the point of crying) to have a home like that. practically, it's the worse area to live by in tropical climate: 1. bugs! (think Filariasis, dengue, malaria.. etc) 2. snakes, lizards 3. water level. 4. maintanence of the house, costly! (damp area? high humidity?). but, still.. i think it's liveable and interesting.

i am starting collecting ideas for my dream house. (iyaaaa la..)

pening pala sy!

fishing trip with the Limbang boys.. sangat berjaya! dapat tangkap udang and i got a lot of real funny jokes from Danney! astaga... sakit perut sy!

ahhhhhh... long delay in the Limbang----KK journey

saturday... no bus from Limbang to KK (result? extended stay in Limbang)(awwww.. boring)
sunday... bus from Limbang to Lawas (result? have to stay in Lawas) (awww.. tis is good)

more bad news for Liverpool. (ya.. ya)

kepala mau pening sudah masuk CC yg full with teenagers playing internet games. (ya... sini lah ni sy sedang cuba mengupdate blog, guna keyboard yg teda tulisan...)

heading home

i'm heading north tomorrow. to unknown territory i am always excited to explore but never did. it'll be a solitary journey, so i am hoping of encountering someone/ something that will make me occupied (thus, shake off the worries and nervousness of a first time lone traveller)

Kuching -Miri, Miri-marudi, Marudi-miri, Miri-Limbang--------> Limbang -KK---------> KK-Ranau----------------------------------------------------> Ranau-KK, KK-Kuching

it's superbad that i'll miss our college "battle of the bands". Erdie's performing! (18/04). i love that boy's flamboyant, so-sure-of self, cocky attitude. it reminds me of youth (silly!).

but, a fishing trip with the Limbang's boys... who can say no to that? 

my weekend.

while having lunch in Bau last saturday, Lin (my ever cute student) informed us that, the Maybank advert (alaaaa.. yg ada cerita pasal harimau sarawak, yg dorang cakap iban) was actually done in Bau. Location: Fairy cave and maybank, Bau branch. i was like... ah? (iban advert done in Bidayuh's stronghold?). Bah.. Sri Aman is not that far to make the advert authentic Iban. 

the boys (Chelsea and MU fans) leered at me: (bah... ok, Liverpool kalah sm chelsea) does it change my affection to that club? Nah... i  still love the grim Liverpool (even when it's only for the sake of having  a club to side in the EPL). if i've learned anything during my two years teaching in a college full of boys, it's to know the recent score of the EPL matches to start a decent conversation. that, and ooo... being able to play cards (Gapa, pounsikou najaran oku main lap lap puh)

in all actuality, i prefer watching rugby to football. (macam mau muntah sudah sini, monombirang). i rather sleep than to wait for a boring match.... i rather sleep than doing anything.

thank you class, for not letting me sleep the whole saturday off. i enjoyed the day out. pungut sampah, masuk gua, jalan di sempadan indon, teriak sampai sakit tekak, memaki-maki urang. and.. menari-nari 'boncit labah juga'.

Easter

haro doho'd tungau,

anaru tikuow,

minum susu gata,

koloput tian..

(saya ada kucing,

ekornya panjang,

minum latex (?),

pecah perutnya..)

a very cute 6 yrs old girl taught me the song (yeah... its a song). lagu kampung-kampung. kalalangad noh kopio. langadon oku'd Ranau!.. maybe it's time to head home. 

(i know, this kinda early, but..) happy Easter!

Acts 17: 27 . . . if they are willing to find Him, for He is not far from every one of us.

why? the promise seems empty, when there's no hope lurking in sight

why? when falling is way easier than to stand alone. 

i'm tired of running and hiding away. can we make a pact and start all over again?

the day when the clouds so heavy and dark. gloomy. and at the point of breaking. i'm expecting it anytime now. cloud. 

undiscovered

terdiscovered this undiscovered (James Morrison)

early symptom of getting old

forgetful me! i forgot his birthday! darn! (well, at least i was somewhere with no telco signal during the weekend) (matilah ni!)  

macamana mau kasetau ni?

come, april

april's coming. half semester through. half works done. and i'm changing my mind. i am about to rearrange my wish list. on top of my new list: Blondal sewing machine. it's just superneat!

(iyalah tu, lepas bili, kasi betagar macam ko punya gitar)

april's coming. 1/4 of the year passed by. maybe i should do more than just rearranging back my wish list. maybe i should do more on changing my mind. maybe i should really stop collecting things i dont really need in life. stop hoarding, emotionally. to be more carefree and start eating meat again? 

(see, what happened to my otak udang after a hilarious encounter with a thunderbolt hero- yeah, the Zeus himself)

he too, gone!

one of the best thing coming home for me was being welcomed by a man's sincere, sweet smile (he's on the advert board for Sarawak tourism, strategically located facing the escalator going down from immigration check point). somehow, he made me at ease and convinced that i was at the right place. and he's gone. i came from KL last night, expecting very eagerly to see him. and he's not there!. instead, the 'borneorainforestmusicfestivalpalau' is there. no, i'm not against the feast. it's a good thing (sorry, but theres a lot of buts here..). 

ahhhh... maybe i'm a bit emotional over my considerable loss, maybe i feel the music feast has been degraded to a meaningless party. duh!

more than just meet the eyes

i always love gardening. my first crop was garlic. planted neatly on my mom's long beans patch. i dont remember exactly what happened in the end to that garlic. but, i remember being happy watching them grow. and excitedly wait for morning to come, so i could measured the blades. maybe, thats the real reason for my fondness for garlic. those early memories of happiness. i love it pungent smell. it reminds me of childhood. 

i knew at least a person who hate garlic. he despised garlic in his food. i love that guy. he's a very good friend of mine. and he's gone. i was having this crab crackers with garlic, when the sudden thought of him hit me. then.. i wonder, why certain smell sharpen our memories of something. now, i knew, what Dyer meant by "and over all of this is the deep blue of empty sky-the colour of memory". it's not the blue, blue. it's the memory of that deep blue of empty sky! (and things happened under it). or so. 

should hunt for more of his book. its good.