Monday Musings

i want to make this kind of post a regular feature in this blog throughout the year

During the weekend, i read 3 crappy detective stories (i'll post the picture of the books in my January read). But the last one, ignites the imagination of my imaginative mind to really consider, opening up a retreat centre in Ranau. i called my sister (because i need to talk to somebody, who already knew, i'm a half-sane person and still love me). and because, i need some practical, down to earth opinion. i need an engineer's point of view.

She said it's a viable venture. but i have to do it on a part-time basis and i have to relocate to KK to be able to do so. and i really should prepare a neat projection, project paper. that, i think i can do. O gosh! am i really out of my mind? who am i kidding?

Long time ago (days, when i used to write long letters home). i wrote to my dad about, a little bird leaving the nest. He sent me a card: fly, as high as you can (i always believe, its a words of motivation, encouragement). But, nowadays i see the words as a challange. really? how high dare i to fly?

Maybe its about time to test my aptitude for higher altitude free falling? i mean, higher risk-venture. and i guess its a high time for me to flock with the same kin. Spending more time with the parents while time allows? thus, 2 things to muse this week: if i have to open the Retreat center in Ranau, i need to relocate, if i got a new job in KK. fat IFS.

Calling for P&F week. God, Thy will be done

2011

i learnt a lots during the holidays. of putting family first, of spending more time with friends, of how small gesture transformed the whole situations, of trusting ones instinct. i did a lots of thing i never thought i could ever done, like, enjoying 5 hours trekking on a knee deep muds, cold showers at night, enjoying the company of strangers of whom i tried my best guessing what they were talking about.

i went up the hill in Bario and loved what i saw up there. i will sorely miss the evening teas, rice cake and the company of concerned aunties.

thank you, Jane, for making the trip possible.

so, for 2011,

spend quality time with loved ones

make plan and lists

but dont overdo

learn crafting

drive

swim

dive

dance

listen more attentively

pause to smell the flower

read more poems

read more of culture and history

get an ipad

bring home a puppy

finish reading the Book

get a boyfriend (macam pi membeli sana kadai saja kan? muahahhaha!)

updates:

1. plan and lists and estimated budget done for major vacations

2.beads bought for beadings

3.mimi gave me large pot of flowers.. farewell gift. i will literally take time to smell the flower!

4.i'm starting to read Edgar Allan Poe's Poems- it gives me creep.

5.i'll search for Jared Diamond's book

6.will go to animal shelter for puppy this weekend

i'll advertise for boyfriend in class next week. OOOO.. lame.

last saturday,

i turned 30. i stayed home and did what i always did on my birthday, i fasted. nothing religious in the act. it was just something i always did. (some of my friends knew i have a cry-day in a week --usually friday-- when i cry my heart out and the act makes me better. down there in my core. my soul?).

something happened a day before my birthday. it's like a heavy lesson for life from my 20's. DONT TAKE CRITICISM PERSONALLY. and when you're dealing with a woman, (especially menopausal) always coat your words with honey, and bear in mind, women are prone on taking everything personally and they're more judgemental.

where can i have Ruiz's The Four Agreements and Dasgupta's Solo?

somehow, i felt old. this, being thirty is depressing. maybe, if we let go of those usual expectations, it'll be easier. i dont know. or, should i rather, strive for that usual expectations and be what? normal? as expected?

i love pickles! or anything fermented. bosou sada, bosou gipan, binagongan, belacan, tuhau, cencaluk, kim chee, fermented soy beans, soy sauce, jeruk mangga, bambangan.. i can go on with the list. and that, i'm listing only fermented products i'm familiar with.

if you live in Kuching, the best place to scout for alien pickles is at COLD STORAGE Green Heights. they have a huge selections of chutneys, pickles and fermented products. i got myself Italian green olive stuffed with anchovy in light vinegar last monday.

and i dont have to search for place to get my favourite soda anymore. they have it there abundantly, albeit slightly pricey. i used to hoard it from Boulevard, as sometime they have it, but, most of the time, they dont (usually they only stock-up on that black can Schweppes). and really, who can blame the pekerja to give me a blank look when asked about Schweppes bitter lemon? (my sister, whose addicted to Coca-Cola also gave me the look - and we were together in our campus day when i first encountered and fall in love with this blue can). how can she not know?

. Schweppes! bitter lemon

if you have read up to this paragraph, you might probably wonder whats my point. i have none. i just miss home so much. its crushing my spirit. so, i have to write something uplifting. and what better to muse but food? and a cool place to get some cool food!

November read

just so i have a post.

my favourite : To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

some weekends are better than others

last weekend was certainly one of my best this year. Popong from Sibu, Jen from KL flew in Wednesday (Hari Raya Qurban) and friday night, Fread and Dawn came from KK. Saturday, we sunburned ourselves in Serikin.

The highlight of the weekend was Noel's Birthday party on saturday's night! too many good things to mention (and i dont have a picture to share). enough to say, from now on, i'm a converted baking enthusiast! O i so love the moist carrot cake (and i never ate anything sweet with cinnamon).Dy, your carrot cake was the only exception.

and the plan for 10 days DownUnder?! guys, i AM in.

kaibigan, kasi up stamina okey? mesti berjalan dengan sangat bersemangat merayau-rayau di Wat itu..

when words failed to describe the outburst of feeling you felt when that boy ran to his grandpa and said "you bought everything for me?". and you knew part of his history. and looking at apu's, nenek's and mommy's faces (the struggles they may have been through). and realized, this is love. this is the feel of being loved.

when friends come over,

say goodbye to your diet, say hulo to late night gossips and cover your ears when swears criss-cross.

and please, try not to be too overzealous on converting them to your religion (ie: books, sewing, crochet) not everybody love the concept of a quite evening WITHOUT a TV. get real, its not zaman batu.

most of all, let them play with your friend's cats and feed them well. (the human and cats)

you can let them sit on your living room floor if you dont own and sofa. its ok to let them sleep on the floor also. and let them use their backpacks as a pillow. provide enough air abok for this purpose. it'll do the trick. (the JUNK proved to provide stiff cocktails- bring them there). you? keep on sipping shiraz.

Hinakah aku kerana tidak memiliki set TV di zaman moden ini ?

Lucky, Lucky

saya sayang dia dia sayang saya

The caption on his shirt really funny, come to think of it. but the wearer's good looking face somehow make the caption seems serious. or does it make it more hillarious? super-indon. muahahaha!

I read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and funnily, the author kept on telling the readers the caption on the heroine's T-Shirt (i lost count- my favourite was: Armageddon was yesterday. today we have a serious problem). its not funny story. its intensely savage.

Somehow, over the weekend, i managed to read (in order) House Rules-Jodi Picoult, the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl who played with Fire - Stieg Larsson, Spot of Bother- Mark Haddon and To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee. and 25 first pages of Moby Dick.(aww.. the last book will take me a month if not more to finish) and i will re-read all those books, starting with To Kill a Mockingbird.

how do i rate them books?

1. To kill a mockingbird - i dont know why i never want to pick this book before. this is one fine book. honest, simple, wholesome. (i see my dad in Atticus, and mighty lucky to have En. Mujat as a father-Pong, you should read this book)

2. Spot of Bother- i think highly of Haddon first book -The Incident of the Dog in the Night Time. this second novel not quite up to the first's level. but its good. very good actually. hillarious, insanely humane, touching. (my family seems ordinary compared to the Hall's family). i cant wait for another Haddon's in the future.

3. Stieg Larsson's books. i'd seen the movie. "Män som hatar kvinnor". and i was blown over. i even like that unknown actor who played Kalle Blomkvist (upss... sorry.. ya, sure all these times we only knew them Hollywood). i usually will love the book version better than the movie. but, in this case, i have to say, i LOVE the movie more!. the setting was perfect, the actress was superb. even the rape scene looks real! and that- super savage. do, go to youtube and find the trailer. so, now i have to have the last of the triology, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. btw, i like the 2nd novel better. more feeling, more resentment. (have you ever wonder, whats all those books lined up on IKEA's displayed racks- now, i have a glimpse of their literature, i'm awfully sorry i cant read those) (pong, you should read this to show GATAN that he is famous in Sweden.. all those places ended with .....gatan)

4. House Rules- normally, i'd cry over Jodi's. not this one. i am still a big fan of hers. and no plan on dropping her from my must read list. but after more than 10 books, you began to see the pattern and its not as exciting nor eye opener anymore. one of the main reason we read is to open our eyes to new possibilities, ideas and perspectives. if the technique became stale, its like eating stale bread. satisfying, but not deliciously satisfying.

book for december's cart. ya, i made a budget list for books to buy. i need to save money for our March Holiday!- 1. Larsson's final triology of The Girl. 2. Solo by Rana Dasgupta.

Lucky is the best word for having a family you trully love. one, that, if you have a choice, you'd picked them anyway. Lucky is the best word for finding in the million heaps of people in the world, few rare good friends. and we treasure them, because we knew, we cant be in a winning streak forever.

p/s kaibigans! its november! peringatan pertama.. muahahahaha!

on higher ground

me on high

i was in Miri last week for my DKP10 convocation. i tried to upload pictures here. but, its tooooo darn slow. so, i used FB instead (i have to admit, the act almost choked me up)

dont ask why i was on high in Miri. dont even think of asking the whom with.

a good company can make you high. you know you're in a good company when you talk with ease, laugh more and when you are not talking, its a comfortable silence.

ya. i'm thinking of you guys. cant wait for our november party!

owh.. i did it again

i fall in love with our pastor's son, a long time ago. he's good looking, artistic and super moody. his name is Azril.

Did i said he's artistic?. o.. he did a bit of music. he was strumming on his dad's guitar one day and i asked him what song was he trying to play (i was tone deaf, to his music taste, i guess). with 'what-a-super-dorky-question-is-that'? expression on his face. he sternly replied 'anak monyet la. itu pun kau tidak tau?'.....'oooo' was all i managed to say. truth to be said, none of the keys made sense. btw, he's 4 years old. now (3 years later), i think, he's good with his guitar already.

sometimes, i wonder if i speak to my kids with Azril's enthusiasm to his music but nonsensical to other's ears. and believe me, i can be more than a little enthusiastic talking about things i like (like chemistry- ya, come roll on your eyes).

many times, i wonder, if in my lectures, the lessons intent transpired to the students or not. Today, for example, after a whole semester of teaching the fourth semester students Health System Research, after hours of drilling them to write the final report in correct format. a pack of stubborn faces come with a compilation of poorly prepared reports. i'm compelled to scream, but that would be so unprofessional. through clenched teeth i showed them which part needs re-surgery. (i mean, re-writing)

you only need to poke me with your finger to make me burst. today.

i still have a soft spot for good looking, artistic and moody students. Azril was in my sunday school class. ya, i'm a sunday school teacher also. the one, who stuffed them with Bible stories and questions hard enough for their moms to answer.

good advice for a teacher (or anyone in the teaching profession): think patient. and try be.

peace

us

My head was spinning and my feet were not touching the earth (ehem.. no, i'm not falling in love. silly). the influenza virus got me bad. but, after being stoned over the weekend. thankfully, i'm ok this morning. and hopefully will be okey for the rest of the week. its my DKP10's convocation, and i'm going to Miri to meet them for the celebration.

aint my choir boys and girls pretty?

back: Ting, Saint, zilla, vero, arline, desmond, max, asri, nuel, kunas, sam

mid: adrian, suzanne, farix, bonne, kukuanga, willver, bern, gray, nemesio, afiz

front: kiko, wong, jess, bong, rodzie, Piah, jacque, tang, tay

Do your best, leave the rest to heaven. thats how we find peace on earth. knowing our limitation and opening up for divine intervention. really, its up to Him to decide.

we hit the ground

miss.. siou sbb kmi x mnang. sia rs sia taw jg mn silap. sia rs la. tp sia taw yg koir kta suda mnang sbnarnya. suma 2 ahli2 kor suda mnang sm dri durng sdri; dr yg x prna ada pngalmn koir, ada yg dgr kod pn xdpt. "kta bet on ksungguhan" blg miss, n sia rs berbaloi kta dcide bg2. sia rs durng jd sgt2 hebt suda. byk yg sia blajar dr ne exp ne kali. tq so much miss lyd! (nti2 la bru miss p nek cruise d mlaka ah~hohoho..).

and like a blushing teenage i cried (for full 5 minutes?). i blamed the influenza virus and me being so sick that i felt sorry for myself. but, really, i need that good cry to ease myself (like i always did) and it felt good.

i badly want to win the choir competition. and i cant see why we didnt! we performed good, slightly off tempo, but overall, good. so, no. i cant accept that we failed. i knew, my kids were devastated. what with all those hours of practice! and expectation.

my reply to that boy : ahaha! Astaga! napa ko ckp mcm org tua2 ni max? sy sgt proud sm kamurang. i dont really cr kita dpt p melaka ka x. as a teacher, great accmplshmt sdh 2 if my kids lrnt smthg other than wat the book can taught! no need 2 say sorry. we did great!

Putting on different perspective helps. but, it doesnt change the fact that we failed. does it really matter? when you knew, that winning is not everything and maybe it requires re-definition?

Kurt Cobain

the tag

A reminder for 'why i love this tee so much' - mostly because it's green, it's freshly laundered and smell super nice, because i miss all those who were there when we purchased the tee, and the word 'mum', makes me think of my mom. and i love the tag. and because, it reminded me of a very good looking sanguine boy (who sang a Creed's song) who, won a karaoke competition and a nerdy boy who did his best sereneding Saleem's jauh kau pergi meninggalkan diriku...(btw, i was the lucky bitch to judge the competition, and i swear, i judged purely on the voice qualities. incidently, that Creed boy sang beautifully and the nerd sang off tempo). All unfairness asides, life itself, is full of unfairness. just so, i'm reminding myself.

its not just a tag of a favourite tee, its a reminder of good things in life. and i am counting my blessings.